Crap. Crap. Crap. I inadvertently bought some juice that contained artificial sweetener.

Artificial sweeteners give me abdominal pain, cramps, and diarrhea.

Crap.

FTFY
(bummer, by the way)

No, really, I'm sorry.

Deleted.
Too specific.

Moaning about school and the conflicts on my time and what I should be achieving.
I do still love it. Just some bits more than others.

Thanks Limey. That'll teach me to be more careful reading the labels.

Thank *you*, Pete, for knowing that I really am sorry. Hugs.

I think I have to finally face the truth. What do you do when a person seems to be really good for you, but then you overhear a conversation elsewhere that floors you. A conversation that makes you feel small. A conversation that makes you sick to your stomach?

When you've invested so much time, thinking one day it would all come together. When they are getting nothing from you why would they play you?

Is it possible that this conversation was for show? Does it matter? The opinions expressed were harsh, painful to hear, nothing like you thought you'd hear, nothing that you'd ever want in a person.

A fool. A fool I was, a fool I am, a fool I shall remain. Then I'll die alone.

Just remember that when someone is two faced, it reflects poorly on them, not on you.

Also, if you trust someone, and they betray you, that doesn't make you a fool.

It hurts now Anon, but at least it's an ending.
Shithead (of whichever gender) is a shithead and you won't hang on hoping, wasting any more time.

You will heal one day.
You can't even help that.

Sorry to hear it's crummy right now though.

Betrayal is harder to bear than any harsh words from a known enemy. I've felt it, and I truly wished I had remained ignorant of the supposed friend's dislike of me. Why wouldn't a person just quietly leave, if that is how they felt? I still don't know.

But I know this. We may not be there in person, but you can't die alone if you have us. There are people here who love you and you are not alone.

On the other hand. My freshman year roommate's girlfriend was overheard to say, at their two-month mark, "yeah he's just another notch on my bedpost."

7 years later, they were married at the school's chapel, and it's 25 years this year.

Thank you.

I might be overreacting. I don't know. I never know when it's time to throw in the towel. I don't seem to have any grasp whatsoever on what a relationship is supposed to be. I've been so pushed around, stepped on, disregarded. I shield myself then when I peek over the shield and start to lower it I get shot in the face. Maybe I'm just scared. Maybe I have no faith. Maybe I'm right and should follow my gut. When do you know, how do you know? I feel like I already took the leap of faith but i want to slide back under the door, because as these things go, it doesn't seem to be moving as I want it to. But if I'm wrong, what have I thrown away? Is it really possible that the past relationships could do this much damage, so much so that you have no idea on earth if you're right or wrong, and don't know if you want to risk it, even with the chance that it really is true and good?

I can push the world away, but when I try to stop pushing I get hurt. So why wouldn't I keep pushing it all away? My track record is crap. History of same-sex friendships and opposite-sex relationships where I am taken advantage of, and used. I can't trust myself.

I don't know. On the one hand, I think that you shouldn't push the world away, because that sounds exhausting and lonely, and no way to live your life. But on the other hand if a cold hard look at your past relationships shows that you are a poor judge of character, then I can understand your lack of confidence there. And I'd hate to tell you to go running with open arms into another bad relationship.

Is there a middle path where you can just take it slow and keep an open mind and heart?

I think I've been on the middle path, a couple of years now, taking it slow and trying to keep an open mind and heart...yet I am acutely aware of anything that seems a sign of 'same old...' Things are at once sluggish and amplified.

Before that, between 'that' and 'that', was a very exhausting and lonely time.

Maybe I need to step back and keep the open mind and heart. Sometimes that's exhausting too.

Thank you.

I was with a man once who (I found out later) used to say we were 'just friends', particularly when he was trying to chat up another woman. Later, he would say the same about his current g/f when I questioned him about his relationship, but when I asked her, she'd say they were in love and blah blah blah.

He's continued to do the same thing to his own detriment for the last 20 years. I don't think he's likely to stop.

People who don't value what they have, probably should take a good look at themselves, and you anon, should certainly not think it has anything to do with you.

Also i'd point out that Liz Hurley was quoted as saying Shane Warne was 'just a bit of rough' when they were first caught by the paparazzi, but now they're engaged and all that, so sometimes there is a reason for saying negative things (although few and far between).

Have you confronted your partner about what you heard? That'd be a great place to start with sorting this out if you haven't already.

Thanks again, everyone.

I want to say that it wasn't anything directed at me. It was a general difference in philosophies that for my own personal reasons struck me as awful.

I need to look at the big picture. Maybe one day I will talk about it. It will be a difficult conversation to have.

I don't need to make any rash decisions.

Thanx..