The Cellar: Soothes the itchy redness of dry mind - but doesn't do shit for a badly chafed penis.

The Cellar: Soothes the itchy redness of dry mind, and replaces it with the heart-rending screams of dry soul.

The Cellar: Soothes the itchy redness of dry mind while gently massaging your ego

The Cellar: Soothes the itchy redness of dry mind, and the spiky blues of writers' block.

The Cellar: Soothes the itchy redness of dry mind, but won't scratch that spot you can't reach.

The Cellar: Soothes the itchy redness of dry mind by inducing wet dreams.

The Cellar: Soothes the itchy redness of dry minded fools like yourself

The Cellar: Soothes the itchy redness of dry mind's eye for pie in the sky.

The Cellar: Maintain eye contact to avoid lethal venom injection from the dreaded Cellar Ass... I mean Asp.

The Cellar: Maintain eye contact to avoid lethal venom injection. Unless you like it in the arse, in which case maintaining eye contact is tricky.

The Cellar: Maintain eye contact to avoid lethal venom injection. Maintain the Tip Mug to ensure continued Cellar Fun.

The Cellar: Maintain eye contact to avoid lethal venom injection, or look away and die. We respect your right to be a moron.

The Cellar: Maintain eye contact to avoid lethal venom injection.

Also, don't drop the soap.

The Cellar: Maintain eye contact to avoid lethal venom injection. we wont tell you which eye until after sports and the weather

The Cellar: Maintain eye contact to avoid lethal venom injection and killer epitaph.