Tasteless Jokes
 

:) One long joke per post, or multiple short ones...

A kid goes up to his father and says, "Hey, Pop, know how old I am today?"

His father says, "No...how old?"

He says, "I'm eleven!"

He goes into the kitchen and says to his grandmother, "Hey, Grandma, know how old I am today?"

She says, "Come closer..."

She unzips his jeans and reaches her thin, spotted arm down into his underwear.

She fondles his genitals for a few minutes and then she says, "You're eleven."

He says, "How could you tell?"

She says, "I heard you tell your father."

Unfortunately, all (or at least a majority) of the tasteless jokes are extremely offensive.

People don't need to read 'em if they don't want to be offended.

Post away.

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?

What did the black kid get for Christmas?

What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?

2nd one - YOUR BIKE!

:)

If you see a black man riding south on a bike, take the bike. It's probably yours.

If you see a black man riding north on a bike, take the black man. He's probably yours.

What do you do when you wake up in the middle of the night to see your television set floating in mid air?

Say, "drop it, negro."

I'm not racist, but I sure hear my fair share of racist jokes.

How does every racist joke begin/end?

"I'm not racist, but..."

Q: How do you keep a dog from humping your leg?

A: Suck its dick.

Q: How do you stop a gang rape?
A: Throw in a basketball.

Q: How do you start a Jewish parade?
A: Roll a penny down the street.

Q: How do you confuse a Polock?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to piss in a corner.

Q: How can you tell if your roommate's gay?

A: His dick tastes like shit.

Another take on Kutz's joke:

Q: What do you do when you see a bike riding itself?
A: Yell "Smile, nigger!"

Q: What's red and has seven dents in it?
A: Snow White's cherry

Q: What's green and smells like pork?
A: Kermit the Frog's finger

A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

My bike.

Leukemia.

Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver?

'cause she was a WOMAN!

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her when she was bad?

They re-arranged her bedroom.

How do you fit four gay guys on one bar stool?

Turn it over.

What's the most common pick-up line in a gay bar?

Q: Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
A: You would too if your name was Ehhhhnuuuhh.

Q: Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?
A: Her dog was blind too.

"Can I push up your stool for you?"

That's fuckin' hilarious!

What's the difference between a nigger and a snow tire?

Snow tires don't sing when you put chains on them.

http://www.ushmm.org/

http://www.journale.com/withoutsanctuary/main.html

Not nearly as funny, Nic. A joke needs a setup and a punchline.

Well, I was wondering how long that would take.

You shoulda started this thread in your blog, dave.

I don't see why someone would go to the extent of reading something that contains the possibility of them getting offended. Like Dave said, I guess some people either like to waste their own time, or appreciate feeling bad. If you don't like it, don't click it.

Well, guys. It gives me some idea of the character of the individuals I've been spending my time with in other threads.

And I'm very disappointed. This thread is not just childish. It's hateful.

It reflects badly on any community that would tolerate it without speaking out against it.

I'm not believing your self-righteous statements in other threads that you're not homophobic, anti-semitic or racists.

Nah. I've got Jewish friends. Hell, I've got black Jewish friends. I even have a Japanese friend that makes Pearl Harbor jokes. What does that say about my character? Nothing. He makes his humor, I make mine. We just both enjoy it.
Which reminds me -- How do you cook chicken teriyaki Hiroshima-style?

Nope. Nice try, though. And I didn't even find any recipes there.
Unfortunately, the only Canadian jokes I have are South Park-esque. Maybe I can find some for you.

Yes, you've found us out... we have absolutely no tolerance at all for people with no sense of humor. As they used to say, Fuck 'em, if they can't take a joke.

Bring on the American jokes, the white male jokes, the computer nerd jokes, the star trek geek jokes, whatever you like I'll take all of 'em. The only time you lose is when you don't laugh.

OK, you want to pretend this thread is a philly sophical, intelligent discourse.

Then you're surely ready to educate yourselves about the genre and see if you're ready to laugh at the World Trade Centre jokes that were the subject of this study.

Just don't expect 3,000 dead Americans to produce the shits and giggles you give yourselves with jokes about millions of dead jews or asians.

Got no problem with any of that.

<b>How can you tell if a redneck girl is a virgin?</b>

She can run faster than her brothers.

<b>How do you circumcise a redneck?</b>

Kick his sister in the chin.

<b>How can you tell if a redneck girl is on the rag?</b>

Her brother's dick is red.

It's World Trade Cent<b>er</b>, you stupid canuck.

Colour
Centre
Learn the queen's english and see if you can avoid commenting on the irony of this post.

These two on the WTC page made me laugh.
Sure its all pretty sick but it's peoples way of dealing with these things. On the other hand i think there is a lot to be said for the 'i'm not a racist but...'

Q:Why can't women go skiing?
A:No snow between the kitchen and the bedroom.

By product of going to a single sex school is hearing every sexist joke in existance.

Okay, so we're all perfectly clear here...

If I am in Toronto, I would go to the Air Canada Centre.

In New York City, the World Trade Center was destroyed.

In this country, the Queen of the United Kingdom is not the official head of state. ;)

Wow, it looks like Nic is getting a bit agitated here. If you want to use some cutesy self-righteous statements of your own like, "I'm not believing your self-righteous statements in other threads that you're not homophobic, anti-semitic or racists," then quite frankly Nic, you either:

--Don't really know us

or

--Are one of those folks that takes a literal interpretation of the Cellar, which IMO, is foolish to do.

jag, you dumb kangaroo wrestler... if it was in Canada or Britain or Australia, it would be the World Trade Centre. It was in the US, so it's the World Trade Center. The name cannot be changed - it is what it is. And it isn't the World Trade Centre.

In other words, keep your dumb fucking mouth shut when you don't know what you're talking about.

I am not young enough to know everything.

Forgive my rudimentary MSPaint skills...

What's this?

You know dave, for someone who likes winding people up you sure are susceptible yourself.

I was hoping for a more violent reaction but if that’s the best I’m going to get...pah..It seemed like a flamey thread so i thought i'd lob in some kero and dave flying off the handle is the best i get? Ill just wait a page or two till it somehow dissolves into a gun control debate i guess......

That a quote? coz its damn good.

You think Nic ever comes up with anything original? He might as well have fucking linked it.

Or put a picture in :)

oh shit. does that mean i have to pronounce it nook-u-lar? :)

~james

I believe the proper term is "Alligator Wrestler From The Island Of Refuse".

No. It's "nucleaur", fooul.

Human Refuse. Get it right. We don't take peoples trash, but we do make a good nuclear testing ground, ask the Biritsh.

That is correct james. And no pronunciation of g's at the end of words. :)

I believe you <b>are</b> the refuse of the British.

'zactly, but they didn't take trash here, too expensive. Just people. Don't have any aussie blood in me anyway. Though ill hold dual citizen soon so you can use British *and* Australian jokes on me.

Are you going to stop brushing your teeth as well?

Well chewing is overrated anyway...

Let's hope the UN weapons inspectors have more on the ball than this crowd, or they'll spend the first month debating whether they're looking for aluminum tubes or aluminium tubes.

First, preheat the oven to 4 million degrees...

What does a Cuban do when he gets a flat tire?

<b>How can you tell when an Italian car has a flat tire?</b>

It goes "wop wop wop wop wop wop wop wop wop"

Nun jokes rule!
 

How many nuns does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I don't know, I never asked. I just fuck 'em.

(another original)

Drowns.

What's the best part about being a pedophile?

Finding old pics that are stll ledgible, stimulating, and aren't stuck together?

My most self-educated guess.

Re: What's this?
 

Reminds me of when Vonnegut drew an asshole and had it published in "Breakfast of Champions".

Q: What's the worst part about having sex with a 9-year-old?

A: Cleaning the blood off your clown suit.

Alright-
 

So this isn't exactly an original- I always got a really big laugh watching Wierd Al's "UHF", the part where the dude is teaching poodles how to fly. Even though I would swear in a court of law that I thought I wrote that one too.

"Badgers?!"

"Badgers?!"

"We don't need no stinking badgers!"

And remember folks, the turtle is nature's suction cup.

blowmeetheclown hearing the pelvis crack.