I hope they give you all the care you need Sundae. xx

Very little is going right, right now. The huge weight of getting my rehab date has been lifted, but like a stone it's exposed lots of creepy little things underneath.

As well asthe Diz issue, although that's the biggie.

Had a letter this morning telling me my gastroscopy appointment has been relocated.
Oh right.
It's Wednesday, the appointment is Friday, and it's been moved to Leeds.
£3.90 bus fare away. And I have to hold another £3.90 in reserve to go in on Tuesday.
Now that might sound like nothing, but when you're living on practically nothing, desperately sorting out bills and toiletries and things for a three month stay, that's a right pain in the arse.
FTR the appointment was originally scheduled for the hospital just outside Otley, which is an easily walkable two miles.

Going to go home and phone them. Which fills me with The Fear.
Thing is I can't even put it off, really, because you follow a strict programme and routine once you've been admitted. I don't think St Anne's would be best impressed if I turned up and said "Oh btw, I need a day off for an appointment I decided to cancel before I came in so I could buy some shampoo and toothpaste."

It's all getting overwhelming again.
A crash after the high of being accepted so much sooner than I expected.

Sundae, just one thing at a time hey? You will be able to get away without toothpaste and shampoo. Someone will spot you some when you get there. Go to the appointment and get it out of the way. Diz is the main problem, and i cant sort that one out. Maybe if you could do a doorknock in the area you might find a kind soul. Try the local churches. There has to be some crazy cat ladies around somewhere. Xx

I know chick, and thanks.
I would pretend that this panic and inability to properly assign priorities is due to my mental health, but y'all know me too well.
I've always been like this, but in my defence, it IS worse at present.
And I remember when going up two dress sizes was the end of the world.
This too shall pass.

The Cellar as a sounding board. I know there are many of us who have reason to appreciate that.
Thanks to everyone.

When you're in the midst of it, it's a tough thing to remind yourself that 'this too will pass.' So that's a good step, right there.

When I'm in the midst of it, now that I've pretty much trained myself to remind myself that it will pass, I tend to now think 'until the next time. and the next time after that, and the next time after that.'

That is what I (and perhaps you) need to be very wary of. Because I don't feel stronger each time I beat it. I wait for the infinite numbers of other shoes to drop. Therein lies the danger. This is when I know I have to really work harder...when 'getting through it this time like all the times before' doesn't seem like much.

I don't know. Maybe this helps, or resonates. I often say 'it'll all work out, it always does' but it's hard to see it sometimes, or care, or maybe even want it to.

I am, as are others here and in your 'real' life, on your side. We want to see you succeed. I hope all goes well with Diz and with your treatment. You've got a lot going for you: maybe you'll see that. :hugz:

Tonight the President will go on tv and patiently explain to us why we need more American war-making. How about we do a quick re-read of War is a Racket by General Smedley Butler before we subject our ears to his nonsense. Haverford man btw.

link is about bees

oops

Thanks Infi.
And everyone else who has supported me here.

I do have some hard work to do on myself, and the opportunity I've been given is exceptional. It's not going to be a walk in the park, just because it's residential it doesn't mean you're cut off from real life. You have responsibilities from the first week and segue back into your "real life" as the weeks progress.

But it's the best chance I've had in years.
Am equally grateful and terrified.

Oh, so you've been accepted MI-6, have to get your license training, then slip back into the mainstream like it never happened.
Probably recruited by Limey. Hmm She could easily be working for either side, even both sides. The force is strong in that one.

Or maybe Carruthers, he has a mysterious past. Obviously spend some time working in Cheyenne Mountain. All that top secret badda boom, stuff. Had a brother-in-law who worked there in the early '60s... been a little off in the head ever since.

"My name's Sundae, I carry a badge."

I'm a man of many parts. Most of them rusty.

"My name's Sundae, I carry a spoon."

"My name's Sundae, I carry a calendar."

...

I like yours better. ;)

I have a teaspoon and an open mind.