Dear Carrot
 

Dear Carrot,

It is, I think, high time you and I agreed to a set of basic house rules. I realise that, as far as you are concerned, this is already the case, but frankly, not peeing on the carpet and not biting mummy's face is not a sufficiently comprehensive list.

Here then are a few suggestion of what might sit comfortably in our new list:

First, I would very much like it if you would please refrain from stripping the wallpaper. It is not helpful, and it does not improve the general look of the kitchen, or indeed, the bathroom. Admittedly, the bathroom wallpaper is positively vile and probably should be replaced but I'd really rather handle that myself, thankyou very much.

Secondly, whilst I admit that the natural wood look can be very attractrive, it is best acheived by sanding down the wood and then treating it. Simply biting away the paintwork is not the same thing, and the end result, I think you'll agree is not what one would ideally want in a fireplace, or indeed a doorframe.

I therefore propose a rule that forbids any decorating work on your part unless and until such time as you can properly handle and manipulate decorating tools and have learned to hang wallpaper.

Thirdly, books are for reading. I don't think you are getting the full benefit of my extensive collection of history text books by ingesting the pages piecemeal. And whilst I applaud your choice of texts (an ancient copy of Little Women, and E. P. Thompson's The Making of the English Working Class) I do find your method of approaching them to be, at best, inconvenient.

We need to add a rule, then, about not eating mummy's books. Should you really have a burning desire to understand gender identity and nationhood in eighteenth-century Britain, you need only ask and I will happily read you the relevant texts. Eating my copy of Linda Colley's Britons: Forging the Nation is not allowed.

Last, and by no means least, the matter of recall. I really cannot stress enough the importance of not running away. Particularly, it has to be said, when allowed into the garden for a quick wee. I think even you will agree that cavorting in the street and playing tig amongst the parked cars, though I accept might have had its pleasant aspects as far as you were concerned, carries potential dangers as an activity. What you may not have taken on board, however, is the additional and very specific danger you face should you ever do that to me again. I hope we are quite clear about this.

The final rule therefore, is that you will come to me when I call you. You will absolutely not bugger off into the street and play in the road. Until I am absolutely sure that you have taken this rule to heart, we will continue to employ the 15m training line during any garden time.

So, my little carrotcake, please do think about these rules. Consider them, digest them, and take them to heart.

Fondest regards,

Mummy.

Be careful with old books especially, some dogs can not stop!

I feel so American. "Tig"

----

Dear mummy,

ok ok yes yes yes aha uh-huh yes, yes ok, what?

:apaw::apaw:
:apaw::apaw:

Ah books ... old paper, well cured glue actually made of horse hooves. Teh Yummeh.

They're like potato chips.

(for our non-US Dwellars ... there was an advertising campaign for Lay's Potato Chips in which Jay Leno, before he had anything like a decent career and was a struggling stand up commedian, informed us, "You can't eat just one.")

What a well-formed letter !!!
warm-hearted and over-the-top understanding.

Now, just wait till he's old enough to write back
... with the list of things bothering him. :rolleyes:

Dani you crazy fool.
You should have just got a nice quiet cat...

All they do is pace around your bed at 05.00 when you've finally got to sleep after coughing all night, walking across your pillow and pulling your hair. Again and again and again - the bedroom door is open of course.

And vom all over your floor.
And bedclothes.
And then alternate, just as you have them reasonably clean (well, completely clean in the case of the bedclothes). And scare the life out of you because you think they must be dying...

Diz threw up all over Michael Palin's face last night, then tried to make it better by licking him clean again.
All I'd done was go to the bathroom so I could have a good hard cough and be in the right place not to worry if I brought anything up. Cough.

Yes, cats are much easier.
And Michael seemed fine after I cleaned him up.

... and try to kill you in your sleep.

He's cute and, apparently, he can read.

That dog is the shiznit!

I love that letter. What did carrot do when he read it? Storm into his room and slam the door? ;)

Well...he appears to have taken it on board as far as stripping the wallpaper goes, though usually puppehs do the thing they've stopped doing a short while after you notice they've stopped doing it so...who knows? :p

Poor babe's teething again so it's all intensified a little.

Today he discovered two wonderful new taste sensations in my quest to alleviate his discomfort: ice cubes (oh very nice. We liiiike ice. Not only is it cold on the old gums, but it skitters about the floor in a most satisfying manner) and his first paddywack, which went down well, took quite a while to get through and seemed to thoroughly occupy his attention for almost half an hour.

I have ordered from an online supplier an antler chew in attempt to give hime something as satisfying as the sidetable leg (he's almost though it, seriously, I've had to turn it around so if the leg gives the lamp will fall in towards the wall rather than out onto Carrot). And also wrapped his solid rubber teething toy in kitchen roll and stuck it in the freezer for half an hour. That also went down quite well.

Wrap foil around the the places he likes to chew. If that somehow doesn't deter him, then coat the foil with Tabasco sauce.

Did you get him to read that letter? It would be much more effective to write it out and feed it to him.

That's not ice. Those are "water bones."

We call pizza crusts 'pizza bones', and Cheerios 'donut seeds', both thanks to the Cellar.:D

I smiled yo myself then thought "dani is in luuuuuuuuuuuurve"

:) with her puppeh. Which is as it should be.