What an idiot I was!
 

When I was 16 years old, I thought about the person I was at age 14; and the 16-year-old me thought, what an idiot I was back then.

16-year-old me knew everything 14-year-old me didn't understand. (But 16-year-old me didn't know what he didn't know. Which was tons.)

This has gone on my whole life. I'm 54 now, and I look back at me at 45 and I think, damn, wow, what a fuckup.

But I know, 45 looks at 35, and says, oh, the things you don't know. Oh, the pain you are due!

35 looks at 25, and says, wow, what made you think you were special? You were mentally ill.

Everybody, or just me?

Me Too. I'm still not as smart as I think I am.

I dunno. I few years ago I found my old college work in a trunk and I read a paper I wrote in college. I was smart then. Now I say things like "I dunno."

Life is a continual learning process for most people, just when you've pretty much got a handle on it the reaper knocks.
Maybe you can take that knowledge to the next life and be the wisest Dung Beetle on the heap.;)

I try very hard to not look back.

It's quite depressing.

That's actually a pretty healthy attitude. Mindfulness. Focus on being present in the now. The past doesn't exist, and neither does the future. We are always in the now.

♫ Don’t stop thinking about tomorrow
♪ Don’t stop, it’ll soon be here
♫ It’ll be better than before
♪ Yesterday’s gone, yesterday’s gone

I could play this song all night. It gets asses on the dance floor, too.

Hard to practice, to "unlearn" the industrial-style culture we're immersed in. Activities that allow your mind to "zone out" are very restorative. YouTube has some great meditation videos-- 8 hours of ambient music set to a tie-dye type kaleidoscope. Great for "tuning out."

I think it's a good thing to look back and say, "what an idiot." It means you've improved, and should be proud. The real trick is extending forgiveness to the other 25, and 35, and 85-year-olds you meet everyday, knowing that they, too, will agree with you someday that they were being an idiot just then.

Me too, but I may just be getting dumber.

I used to could spell.

Now, I write/type out a word and look at it, and say to myself, "That doesn't look right."

Then, I look it up, and I was right.

The older I get, the less sure I am.

If I don't get enough sleep, I can no longer think of the words I want. Basic words, not SAT words. Anything less than 8-9 hours, and I become a moron.

Same. I never get enough sleep due to stress, insomnia, hectic schedule, and I've been a ƒucking useless zombie for like 6 months.

In all honesty I've been deeply troubled that I can't seem to regain the level of executive function I had as recently as 2013-- a time when, notably, I was capable of maintaining functioning filters/rules/categories on my personal email account.

I think lack of regular cardiovascular exercise is another culprit.

I'm stupid now. I have occasional insights, spontaneously able to make a contribution to society in a way that is completely beyond my control.

I don't read anymore.

I have to turn this around soon, or I'm heading to early dementia.

One of my old business cards. I used to be able do ALL that stuff. Sorry to say, I'm no longer up to the task of castrating alligators.

Attachment 65026

On top of that I used to be cute. Now, I merely look distinguished. Life is cruel.

Anyways, I just wanted to say that all of you old people give me the creeps.