Am I a Mental Bitch?
 

I need to know. What do you honestly think. I am feeling like I am a lousy human being just because...well, never mind. Am I mental? Am I the crazy woman? Am I a bitch? Some people are bitches SOME of the time. I hope that is me and I'm not a bitch ALL of the time----but, am I?

ETA this probably looks like marichiko attention whoring. maybe it is. so what?

Another ETA: I feel like Leona Helmsley or Ann Coulter. THAT is how bad I feel.

No no no Bri. You are you. YOu are sweet, and yet you don't take any crap. You make yourself feel lousy because of that pressure women can still get from society that standing up for yourself, or sometimes just being yourself, warrants the bitch label.

A bitch, to me, is someone who doesn't care about others, and likes to hurt others. You are so far from that you can't even see it with binoculars. You are a big hearted person with a huge capability of caring. So sometimes that hurts you...so you try to turn it inward and make yourself feel like you've done something wrong.

Granted, I have no idea what you were referring to, but this is my take on it in a general sense.

Is "bitch" a bad thing?

Yeah, define "mental."

mental: footfootfoot

;)

No. If you were you would not care enough to ask.

Despite the very real connection, I don't think we really "know" each other online. If you want a valid opinion, you'd need to ask multiple people who know you IRL.

FWIW, you seem nice enough to me.

What made you start doubting yourself?

Have we had a thread where dwellars who know one another IRL compare online personas with cellar personas?

I am quite a bit different IRL than in the cellar, but not as different as Gwennie was.

I'm me no matter where I am. What you read is what you get...IRL I am more subdued in argument, maybe.

boom goes the dynamite:)

Bri, you are no crazier than the next bird....trouble is the next bird is Shawnee, so that ain't sayin much *grins*

Seriously, though, you aren't any nuttier than most of us phreaks. Nor are you 'A Bitch'. You are quite capable of being a bitch and you are from time to time. Then again, so am I and so are most of us.

Don't beat yourself up, babe, there's enough in the world who'll do that for you. You're just feeling negative, and seeing your own worst side more clearly than you're seeing your best. We see both here, I think, and you'll do for us.

On the Cellar, you are an "appealing and interesting character"

Marichiko wasn't just an attention whore, she was a drama whore and a tragedy addict. She had to interject her own situation on every matter, and when there wasn't enough drama and/or tragedy for her, she would manufacture some.

I dunno. Meet me for coffee - and show up the first time, dammit - and we'll talk about it. ;)

Srsly, no, I doubt it. Few people ARE bitches (or other derogatory words). Most of us ACT LIKE bitches or do bitchy things from time to time. Including me. Oh yeah, you betcha. :p

A Beeeeeeeeeeeeeee Yotch maybe. But a bitch? nahh.

Sure, but you have to give some wiggle room to anyone with the skills to shoot a staple into a door lock.

Heyyyyyyy now you wait a goshdurn minute.

Oh, OK...I admit it. :)

And I've told people all my life: if you're not a little crazy, you're boring as hell. :blush:

Also, I must add, there is a world of difference between the terms "crazy woman" and "crazy bitch".

From the standpoint of the man, almost all women have a good deal of crazy in 'em. Some have much more than others, though, and the types of crazy vary such that "crazy woman" is quite often a term of endearment.

Crazy woman might:
- have flighty little sayings painted on the walls of her bedroom
- insist on wearing sheer shawls about her shoulders at all times
- create "collages" well after high school
- grow her nails out and pretend she is a witch
- make weird statements out of nowhere that have nothing to do with the conversation
- be vegan

Crazy bitch might:
- throw a fifteen minute crying jag over the state of the bathroom sink
- not talk to the man for a day and a half because one of his co-workers happens to be a young skinny blond
- walk away in the full expectation that the man will "come rescue her" to show his love
- argue at the top of her lungs so that the man will do the same, thus somehow showing his concern for the relationship
- be bulimic

Oddly, many young men are attracted to the crazy bitch because that kind of craziness often indicates that she is a freak in the sack. It takes maturity to realize that the bitchiness is not worth it. This is similar to the young woman's attraction to the dangerous man. The dangerous man is the male version of the crazy bitch. (There is no male analogue to the crazy woman.)

You so funny...funny funny.

Not just any door lock, an itty bitty post office mailbox door lock.
Now THAT'S some shootin'

I love this. We all know one of her, don't we?

As crazy as I am...no no no...those kind of women give the rest of us a bad name.

Bri, I was where you are at many times. One time in particular was when I was working in a commission sales position in a department store. I sold mens suits and since I was supporting myself, I worked really hard at it. I was never mean or bitchy to the other sales people, I just never let up on my right to sell suits at all times, and as a result I was considered 'bitchy'. It was a constant struggle for me to keep my head high and not negatively mindfuck myself.

Let's see:
The Sysadmin/geek might:
- have XKCD cartoons taped to the walls of his cube
- insist on wearing ratty black tee shirts with "witty" slogans
- create "shareware" well after college
- grow his hair out and pretend he is cool
- make weird statements out of nowhere that have nothing to do with the conversation (no modification)
- subsist solely on Mountain Dew, beer and pizza.

I believe we have a match.

I was thinking along the same lines, Pie. Thanks for coming up with the list. :)

oh no, no no no.

Any person especially a women with a set standard of how a man ( men) should treat her and then have that man come off as an imbalanced immature imbelcile would get whacked out. ( that is a double adjective btw)


So it might not be a guy so I am just guessing.

Heh heh, Pie, that is a win for you. :D

I'm not the bulimic kind of crazy. I do not cry at the condition of the sink, etc. I am feeling bad because I behaved badly from sunday to thursday and I was rude to some complete strangers (not verbally rude, but, you know, gave them the rude VIBE) because they didn't meet my expectations and I was paying them for a service they didn't perform to my liking or expectation. Having expectations for an alcoholic is a set up for a resentment which makes you nuts and maybe not be sober (or, this is what they tell me). I hate that I don't work my ass off at being sober and then I'm all surprised when the little fookin demon bites my ass.

Yeah, I'm an attention whore at times. I'm not marichiko though. Thanks for that, UT. Some days I am filled with self-loathing. This is one of them.

I DO appreciate everyone's input. Thank you for caring enough to even reply to what must seem like a borderline move.

Thank you! :blush:

Of course, I was largely describing myself as the sysadmin/geek type.

From what I have read, I like Marichiko too. I think she was highly skilled with writing, and getting her points across. Valued or not.

Bri yes you can be a bitch, but who can't? I've seen men become little bitches, and it happens to everyone. Sometimes you have to be a monster, it's ok.

There are people that are bitches all the time. You are not one of them. It's a temporary condition at times, let yourself have that.

I like you, Bri. You're one of my favorite people here.

Now, let's forget I ever posted this, and I can resume being extra-dickish to you.



btw
There is a fine balance to that "freak in the sack" crazy vs "impossible to live with" crazy.
This is the razor's edge that man must walk, in order to get his freak on twenty fo seven.

I like you too Bri.

Brianna, I served with Bitch. I knew Bitch. Bitch was a friend of mine. Brianna, you're no Bitch.

There's no fine balance. There's a huge difference between "whiny make husband miserable wailing crazy bitching nothing is good enough no respect crazy" and "fun crazy."

It's fun crazy you gotta watch out for in the sack, just fun crazy doesn't see the need to advertise so much. :rolleyes:

Depending on the hour of the day, I can be either. :eyebrow:

I'm usually neither.

No.

That was his sister.

Well, if I'm honest, I have to say I've suffered at the hands of your bitchiness from time to time, but I appreciate that you're able to recognize that. Most true crazy bitches don't, so I'd say you don't quite fit the catagory.

Everyone has their bitchy periods. I've been having one myself this week because I've been upset about other things...and as per usual, the rest of the world has had to suffer for it.

I wouldn't worry too much about it if I were you.

Brianna, you know that I have an Occam's Razor Sharp determination of cool.

You are cool.

You're up front, up to no good, up to some hijinks or other at nearly all times. You've stood up to cancer and kicked it's ass, and have faced up to a number of challenges in your life and found a new path.

What's that I said before? You're cool.

Should you choose to be a bitch on occasion, well, that's up to you, girl. I think you've earned it.

I think we need to see her keychain...

Bri: If you are a bitch you are MY KINDA BITCH.

lol...My sentiments exactly..LOL!

Sorry..that rocked. :D

(inside joke kind of but not really)

thanks, all of you. I'll quit the whining for a bit now and behave. (do I hear a chorus of THANK GAWD? :)

and I understand Jinx's concern about my keychain! Know that it keeps growing with all kinds of colors (I also do chips, but that's only because I like to collect free stuff!)

You aren't a bitch and you aren't a whiner.

Carry on. :)

Ah but on those days, enough other people love you, my self included, that it cancels your self loathing and piles on.

Not just piling on to cop a feel either, but genuine heaping gobs of purple passion. Oh, let me get you a towel... you might want to try Tide or Oxy-Clean for that, before it stains ya know. :blush:

I like that you didn't deny the crazy in the sack supposition.

You've been through some shit Bri and you've still got fight in you. That is a good thing.

All of this because of a vibe for bad service?

and your sense of resentment makes you do something you don't like so you analyze yourself to bits?

Everyone has given out vibes for service beneath their expectations ......but the fact you question your response is a sign of someone who is aware and capable of inner growth.

It takes maturity and *experience*. Very few males will pass up being involved with the crazy bitch once they've bedded her. Its only after the crazed sex becomes the norm that men are able to step back and view the whole situation...before running screaming, in search of a less frenzied, but saner, fuck.

Bri - like some others here, I'm rather curious as to why you seem to feel the way you do. What has transpired of late that has you feeling "crazy"? I'm guessing that this is at least in part based on someone else's opinion of you, because people seldom stop, look at themselves, and come up with "I'm a crazy bitch". On the contrary - the crazier the bitch, the more likely they are to think themselves perfect and everyone else screwed in the head.

My ex wife comes to mind.

Ain't that the truth!

Hmm.....
Seems to describe The Wife.

Or the ex wife.

Her name was plaintiff.

lol @ the capn' - - - mine too.

Thank you for remembering me after all these years, 3 foots. I missed all of you and decided to see what's up here.

I finally came out of the closet IRL about 18 months ago. I am in early transition M->F. The trigger was not being able to do the mens' AA program. After another relapse, I decided to do AA as a female. It's been great and I finally got 1 year of sobriety.

I've been accepted into the lesbian fellowship in San Jose. I do everyday things with them such as movies, dinner, watching The L Word, moving and attended one wedding.

Now eligible for hormones, I am little afraid of this next step. I will be getting feminine voice/movement coaching soon. I've done laser on the beard and chest hair.

Thanks to everyone here for putting up with my nonsense as this forum was the place I started to come out of the closet.

Wow, Gwennie! That's a lot going on in your life, for sure.

Congrats on each day!

Hope you stick around.

No problem, man... er, Ma'am. You were always entertaining, what more could we ask? Stick around, or at least keep us posted on your progress. I, for one, would love to here about the experience. :thumb:

Wotcher Gwennie - glad to see you back!

hi Gwennie, I didn't know you, but you sound like just what we need right now, if you can put up with us....

Hey, good to see you again Gwennie!
Best wishes with your 'next step' -- you're right, it's a big one. But you can do it! Glad you're getting support from the community.

Rock,
Have you read The World According to Garp? Ellen Jamesian?

Lesbian trapped in a man's body? I have that a little bit myself. I get by in spite of it. Be strong, sister!

Through most of the Cellar's life there has been a TS or three running around. Good luck on your journey.

Welcome back Gwennie.
Wow - what a huge change.
Many congrats on the alcohol nixing, and hope that the hormones aren't too much of a shock. It's a logical step and I'm sure you'll handle it with all the support you are getting.

Come over into the RFN thread and show us a picture you you feel ready (maybe not for a while I guess).

Good luck.

Welcome Back Gwennie. You've been missed.

Brianna, I don't think you're a mental bitch.