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It was a bad, aggressive date with a woman who at first appeared to be into things and then had second thoughts. Now Ansari's career will be affected if not ruined -- or the entire movement will experience its backlash. Which one?
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If her description of the encounter is accurate that is way more than just an aggressive date - and a heck of a lot more than someone clumsily missing signals. He seems to have acted in a predatory manner with her - very manipulative behaviour.
her description of trying to physically move away from him across the room and him intercepting her - of her trying to give off non-verbal cues, because that is a very difficult situation to be in and knowing how to react in the moment is tricky - the potential threat of that situation because she doesn't know how far he is going to push this, but set against the other thought likely to occur at that moment, of 'am I over playing this, is this really a potential threat? Is this ok?' that sort of stuff puts you into a really strange head space where you can find yourself doing very strange and uncomfortable things because you don't want to offend that person - and where you don't want to act weird or because you just don't know what else to do - it's like a kind of freeze compliance - hard to explain.
Some men - and I know more than one - play on that. They specifically aimto get women into that headspace and then capitalise on it by, for example, demanding that the woman touch their cock, or take off their top - and the woman, often, finds themselves doing exactly what they've been told to do- without enthusiasm maybe, but somehow just doing it.
I've been on the other end of that little game - but it was a few years after before I really realised what that was and what it meant.
She doesn't sound like someone who was into it and then changed her mind. She went on a date with a guy who pushed her past where she was comfortable being and ignored every non-verbal
and verbal cue that she was not up for that kind of date just now.
He applied and then withdrew pressure then applied again, breaking down her resistance - and attempting to push her into doing something he must have known she did not want.
As the article points out, this is not some clumsy teenager, this is a man in his mid 30s who has built a comedy and writing career out of understanding romantic communication between men and women.
Unlike the 22 year old he tried to pressure into having sex with him. And successfully pressured into oral sex