Quote:
Originally Posted by xoxoxoBruce
...So the time to discuss it is now, before they decide to do it. You may suspect someone is on the edge, but maybe not, so don't pass up talking about it.
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We had a family member suicide a few years back.
They sent me an e-mail a couple days before but it was so strange that I didn't understand it. I replied as one would under normal circumstances, trying to be supportive but not truly understanding where they were emotionally.
This person was healthy, had money, a great home, great family life. Not a bad position to be in for almost everyone that I know. There was no scandal or stress or anything that I could see that might be affecting her.
She was a bit clingy if I can say that without making her sound creepy. But we were good friends for almost all my life. She had been a part of my life since I was born.
She did leave a note that completely shocked me and made me quite sad.
She said that she felt alone because she didn't have children of her own. That her step kids were great but she just didn't have the bond that me and my mom had. She also stayed in contact with my mom every few days. It was strangely positive. They were great friends despite having completely different lives and living in completely different places.
My mom died 14 years before she suicided. She wrote with heartbreaking clarity that since my mom died her life was empty. That she had tried to replace that relationship with a relationship with me. That we had the long history and family bond but it just wasn't the same. Not the same as if she might have had her own child.
And that she just couldn't take it any more. That she had tried medication and counselling and hobbies and travel but she just couldn't fill the void. She couldn't heal the wound.
I didn't understand the role that I played in this and I suppose looking back I should have.
I don't blame myself but my ear is now much more tuned to hearing what is not so much said.
Now thinking about it, there was a time that I wish I could go back to.
If I had just hugged my aunt at this one point of her sadness, maybe things would have been different.
She had just described something that I considered trivial and unrelated but she was crying about it.
I just don't get huggy very often but maybe it would have helped.