[Lady Sidhe]

Originally posted by Kitsune

quote:So what is with all the battered women who always end up in abusive relationships and seem to need it? The "oh he beats me up now and then but he still loves me" kind? Those people are way, way too far gone.

Originally posted by Beestie

quote:That's a good question and I'm not really expert enough to say. My opionion is that women (and men) who stay in abusive relationships do so because the abuse is inextricably intertwined with the emotion of love...


Ok, I'm going to put my two cents in. First, understand that I'm not looking for sympathy or whatever, just illustrating my own opinion.

The very first relationship I was in (long-term) was abusive. This guy was psycho, literally, and I found out later that he tried to kill his ex-wife by stomping on her. Anyway, these guys don't start OUT abusive. They start out charming, and the abuse is gradual; a little here, a little more there, until you're not only completely isolated from anyone who can help, but you're so terrified that you're walking on eggshells all the time. When someone tells you that if you leave, they'll find you and kill you, you're at the point where you believe them, especially if you've gone to the cops (as I did) twice, and nothing was done. This guy put me in the hospital twice before I could get away from him for good. He had me followed and everything.

There are various reasons why women don't leave abusive relationships. For some, it IS because they "love" they guy; for others, it's because they aren't allowed to have jobs, so they have no money; maybe they aren't allowed access to the car; maybe they have kids and they're frightened for them; and maybe, like me, they're trying to figure out a way to escape without getting killed. Statistics show that most women who get killed by abusive men get killed AFTER they leave.

Anyway, while I agree with Beestie that some women, because of their early lives, have intertwined abuse and love, that isn't always the case.

AND, before I met this guy, I had great self-esteem. Afterwards, I think I blocked most of it out--the emotions, anyway, because while I can remember what happened, there are absolutely NO emotions associated with it, except a vague hatred of him. I don't have a fear of men, or anything like that. It seems as if, aside from the vague hatred, It really didn't affect me in any other way except that I can spot those bastards a mile away.


Sidhe