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Elspode · 09-25-2004, 11:40 AM

I always swore that I'd avoid the old-fogey judgementalism myself, and sometimes it is difficult to discern whether I'm just old and crotchety, or that I truly have some hard-won wisdom to impart, so take what I'm about to say with a grain of salt, or ignore it altogether if you choose.

I started drinking regularly when I was 15. I came from a family of drunks, and so it wasn't really looked at askance. At 17, seeking to be one with my hipper friends, and to also bring my other unhip pals into the "mainstream", I started smoking pot. For me, the herb was definitely a threshold drug, and pretty much anything that you didn't have to insert via a needle followed over the coming years. I was particularly addicted to amphetamines, and would always have a couple of hundred miniwhites around.

I quit the speed after about a year because it was having some pretty profound negative physical effects...my teeth were getting loose, I was malnourished, and I exhibited some really interesting paranoid dementias. I kept up with everything else for another 15 years.

I had to quit the dope due to having to work, but drinking...well, drinking was *the* drug for me, even when I was doing the other stuff. After all, if 40 mg of valium is good, 40 mg of valium with a twelve pack is *better*!

All of this, as I now see in retrospect, was self-medication to try and make myself somehow better, or at least different. Sometimes, it was a search for cosmic inner truth, but most of the time it was simply wanting to not be *me*.

Now, a couple of years shy of 50, after a heart bypass and lacking a colon...I want those years - and body parts damaged by my consumptions - back. I wish I'd had, during those years, the clarity of being clean and sober. I now want to be able to decide that I want a couple of beers rather than having a case of beers decide *me*.

I have found more spirituality in a bottle of water and a walk through the park than I ever found in a hit of acid. I have found more insight in the struggle to not drink and do drugs than I did when I was fucked up.

My .02. I'm sure your mileage will vary. Oh, yeah...and what's with these kids and that music today? And those haircuts? And those clothes!!??

(edited to add a bit more rambling)

09-25-2004, 11:40 AM	#15
Elspode When Do I Get Virtual Unreality? Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Raytown, Missouri Posts: 12,719	I always swore that I'd avoid the old-fogey judgementalism myself, and sometimes it is difficult to discern whether I'm just old and crotchety, or that I truly have some hard-won wisdom to impart, so take what I'm about to say with a grain of salt, or ignore it altogether if you choose. I started drinking regularly when I was 15. I came from a family of drunks, and so it wasn't really looked at askance. At 17, seeking to be one with my hipper friends, and to also bring my other unhip pals into the "mainstream", I started smoking pot. For me, the herb was definitely a threshold drug, and pretty much anything that you didn't have to insert via a needle followed over the coming years. I was particularly addicted to amphetamines, and would always have a couple of hundred miniwhites around. I quit the speed after about a year because it was having some pretty profound negative physical effects...my teeth were getting loose, I was malnourished, and I exhibited some really interesting paranoid dementias. I kept up with everything else for another 15 years. I had to quit the dope due to having to work, but drinking...well, drinking was the drug for me, even when I was doing the other stuff. After all, if 40 mg of valium is good, 40 mg of valium with a twelve pack is better! All of this, as I now see in retrospect, was self-medication to try and make myself somehow better, or at least different. Sometimes, it was a search for cosmic inner truth, but most of the time it was simply wanting to not be me. Now, a couple of years shy of 50, after a heart bypass and lacking a colon...I want those years - and body parts damaged by my consumptions - back. I wish I'd had, during those years, the clarity of being clean and sober. I now want to be able to decide that I want a couple of beers rather than having a case of beers decide me. I have found more spirituality in a bottle of water and a walk through the park than I ever found in a hit of acid. I have found more insight in the struggle to not drink and do drugs than I did when I was fucked up. My .02. I'm sure your mileage will vary. Oh, yeah...and what's with these kids and that music today? And those haircuts? And those clothes!!?? (edited to add a bit more rambling) __________________ "To those of you who are wearing ties, I think my dad would appreciate it if you took them off." - Robert Moog Last edited by Elspode; 09-25-2004 at 11:58 AM.