[Elspode]

I was a witness by choice, Zip. I am a firm believer in the concept of "Pay It Forward", and so my wife and I serve our community and our friends. It is what defines us more often than not. I didn't *have* to be there...I couldn't be anywhere else in such a circumstance.

Pamela is a dear friend, and it was for her that I was in attendance. We have provided childcare for Connor several times in the past...it could have been us in the position of Jerry, Badger and Deb. It was only a couple of years ago that I helped Pamela and Connor move from her mother's house, and then a year later, pondered moving them into our home. Pamela always makes it a point to parade her newest boyfriend past my wife and I, hoping for the parental approval that her own mother was rather poor at providing. We were a part of the large circle of Pamela and Connor's lives.

There is strength in numbers, and love in community. We each support and share energies with the other, a large circle of energetic ebb and flow. When one wanes, the other gives a little more, and takes some back later as it is needed. It was a privilege, an honor, to be part of this. I am blessed with friends and associates of incredibly high quality and strength, and I have never before seen such a display of sheer selfless humanity, let alone to have been fortunate enough to have a place in it all. It is all quite humbling, actually.

My wife has gone to bed now, exhausted after 36 hours straight with Pamela. I arrived only at the very last moments, and her description of the physical components of Connor's final hours is chilling and disturbing. Yet, she was there for it all, giving and facilitating and grounding those around her. She is a very, very strong woman.

I'm not at all certain how the hospital staff took it all, but I'm pretty sure it will be awhile before they see the equal of the outpouring that occurred. As we drove out of the parking garage, I couldn't help but notice the remarkable number of Pagan bumper stickers, and I smiled a bit with pride.

I'm very sorry you didn't save your writings about your mother, Zippy. I would have been honored to read them.