[mrnoodle]

Elspode, you are a fantastic writer.

My extended family has several similar examples of human detritus, and with very few exceptions, all attempts at contacting them proved depressing, disappointing, and fruitless. On the other hand, the hurt 6-year-old in you needs to bawl him out for being such a shitty dad and destroying your faith in him. I don't know if you'll feel any better if you do it, though.

Scenario 2 - You might exorcise some demons by responding to him with love that you don't actually feel. Just kind of be there for him in whatever time he's got left, if he'll allow it. He already knows he's worthless, calling him on it might just make him defensive and you feel worse. Prove you're better by being the family man he never was.

Scenario 3 - Put the pain in the back of your consciousness and try to forget he ever existed.

I can't even imagine trying to make that choice. Whatever you decide, I hope you get peace from it.

We found one of my great-uncles had died in a refrigerator box under a railway bridge, having been knocked in the head by another bum for whatever the hell he was carrying in his pocket - we really didn't want to know. This same guy had done a brief tour with a local "donkey show" (again, you don't want to know), tried to kill my grandpa with a knife when he wouldn't buy him booze, and generally exhibited himself with restraint and civility :P He's buried in the same row as the rest of his family, but every time we go to the churchyard, about twice a year, we find his grave has sunk about 8 inches. Only his, and every single time. We've probably used 30 yards of dirt filling it in over the years. I'm scared to step on it, for fear I'll break through and fall straight into hell. No matter how much people tried, he just wouldn't accept help or love.


I'll be thinking about this stuff all day....again, great writing (for all the cold comfort that is).