[Nothing But Net]

If you have used a hood ornamant as a road guidance system, you're an alcoholic.
If you have used a blood trail as road guidance system, you're a drunk.

If you have been arrested for DUI, you're an alcoholic.
If you have been arrested for DUI, on your way to work, you're a drunk.

If you have taken alcohol with you into the bathroom, you're an alcoholic.
If you have taken alcohol with you into the shower, you're a drunk.

If you drink alone, you're an alcoholic.
If you buy rounds for the house, you're a drunk.

If you pick up a strange woman and take her home, you're an alcoholic.
If you pick up a strange woman and drop her off at her boyfriend's home, you're a drunk.

If you think the bartender shorted you $5 in change, you're an alcoholic.
If you figure out tomorrow the bartender actually shorted you $15 in change, you're a drunk.

If you have a reserved seat at the bar, you're an alcoholic.
If you have a reserved cell at the jail, you're a drunk.

If you keep a bottle of liquor in your car, you're an alcoholic.
If you keep a bottle of liquor at your lawyer's office, you're a drunk.

If you have ever fought in a bar, you're an alcoholic.
If you have ever won a bar fight, you're a drunk.

If you call in sick because of a hangover, you're an alcoholic.
If you call in sick for everyone in the company, you're a drunk.