[Gwennie!]

Brianna, Don't beat yourself up about this stuff. Something I heard at AA meetings:

When you stop drinking and using, you feel better.
You feel pain better.
You feel joy better.
You feel resentment better.
You feel life better because you are not numbing it anymore.

If you are going to do IOP, then you'll be working the 12 Steps. It's worth dragging youself thru the first three steps to get to Step 4. This is where you can list your resentments and begin to deal with them. Beyond that, well, One Day at a Time.

If you are not religious, try to find a AA sponsor that's willing to let you define your higher power AS YOU UNDERSTAND YOUR HIGHER POWER. For an agnostic such as me, I used the fellowship or as some put it GOD is the Group Of Drunks. I led a weekly AA meeting called Freethinkers, a format used in several locations around here. It attracted folks that didn't subscribe to the classical christian God; we didn't believe God was an old man standing on a cloud. We eliminated the Lord's Prayer at the meeting's end. The meeting attendence tripled after the change to Freethinkers was made.

You may not have a lot of flexibilty with the IOP structure. But, the recovery thing is easier if you can ignore the differences and focus on the similarities.