[lookout123]

LR - from a guy's perspective - have you sat down with him when both of you are in somewhat good moods and calmly, kindly, and clearly expressing your thoughts to him?

from my own experience, i was in a downward spiral situation like you are describing. i knew things weren't good, but i didn't know how bad. when we were bickering, it was too hard to get any meaningful discussion about the causes, we only argued about the symptoms. i was so focused on trying to make her happy that when we were getting along, i didn't want to bring up any unpleasant thoughts or start any discussion that might go negative.

in the end, that is exactly what we needed. things had to get bad enough for her to call a time out. we sat down and discussed what was going on and found that we were (separately) having the same kind of thought processes, but were afraid that if we vocalized them that the other person would blow up and leave.

it took awhile, and it is always ongoing, but it worked for us. maybe a little time without the carpet lizards, just talking over dinner or a cup of coffee would tell you more about what you need to do than we ever could. maybe you'll discover that you need a marriage counselor, or a weekend apart, or a weekend together, or a good old fashioned shagfest.

any way good luck.