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Originally Posted by LabRat
I guess I eluded to this in the sex thread, but I am having some personal questions about my marriage.
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I'm sure I'm way late on this, but...
I've stated before in at least a couple of other relationship threads that marriage/committed relationships/etc are *never* storybook successes. I truly believe that no one stays together in bliss and eternal love without profound efforts on the part of both parties. Relationships are a *job*.
That said (yet again), counseling does help. My wife and I have been to counseling three separate times in ten years. Absolutely nothing was solved, but it did serve to make sure that things that needed airing got aired with a moderator so that we didn't end up killing each other while they were being said. Counseling is a good start.
The final tally, though, is inside yourself. You really have to decide if you truly *want* to remain with your partner, no matter what rationale you use. Betterment of the kids, being a strong person yourself, your gods decree monogamous fidelity forever, lust, love, whatever...but *you* have to decide this first. Otherwise, all subsequent efforts are wasted.
The bad side of this is that, once you've decided you want to stay, *everything* that comes after is your responsibility. No blaming the partner, because *you* have decided to work on it and stick with it. It then follows that, if you leave, it is *your* decision.
If you blame the other person forever, then you are declaring yourself a permanent victim, and this is debilitating at best.
Good luck, LR. Love and marriage are enormous topics, and I can tell you from current experience that it is months of trial exchanged for moments of bliss and satisfaction. I'll let you know if that ratio continues to be enough to keep me married.
