Sycamore, my dear boy, get a copy of Covey's 7 Habits. They can be had for $1.99 or less from amazon.com marketplace. Then get yourself a nice degree from one of those internet diploma mills.
Intereject wise sounding nonsense from the 7 Habits into your conversations, particularly admonishing people to "Stay in Quadrant II!!" (as I recall, that's the quadrant where the Klingons aren't, so it's always a good choice)
This method will waste less of your time and money than actually going to business school, and will be just as useful in the long run.
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