[Elspode]

First and foremost, make your child return what was stolen, in person, and apologize to those from whom she stole.

For some reason, we have taken *shame* out of the lives of our children, and it does them no favors. Sociologically, there is a certain need for conditioning that is so powerfully provided by the sense of embarassment and shame that come from having to own up and admit to - take responsibility for - our transgressions. Our society now thinks that the only way to turn out good kids is to make them feel bubbly-goody-touchy-feely-swell about themselves lest their self-image become damaged. Well, doggone it, when we do dumb stuff, our self-image *should* be damaged, and then we should be made to repair it.

If you never learn how bad it feels to hurt someone else, you never learn to empathize with those who are injured. If you never learn to admit your transgressions, you never learn not to transgress. That being said, it usually isn't this simple, and for the child of a murdered parent, there is almost certainly some deeper-seated issue going on, and that means professional help, and darn few of us here on The Cellar are truly qualified to say much more than that. Good luck, BH.