(seems there is a limit to the size of each entry - this
must be a big one!)
Then it was on to recruit Sir Cumnavigate – a much-travelled knight. And close by lived the twin knights Sir Cuit (pronounced ‘kit’)and Sir Cle (pronounced ‘call’).
Sir Culation spread his net wide even taking in that not so brave knight, Sir Render, and a whole medley of colleagues including Sir loin, Sir Feit, Sir Prise, Sir Plus, and Sir Lee, finally ending up with two of his oldest friends, Sir Facing (he’d been down in the Cellar) and Sir Vival (just back from seven weeks in the desert). And that was about it.
It all seemed to be going very well indeed, except for one thing. They all looked the same – not only as each other but, with their armour on, also the same as Leesum and the Baron’s men. This wouldn’t do at all. Back to Fairy Nuff.
‘Well it’s obvious!’ she said, ‘You need something to distinguish you, to tell you apart from Prince Leesum’s men, but at the same time make it easy for you to know each other on your own side without giving anything away. So, nothing too obvious but easy enough for your men to recognise. I know. Something braid.’
‘I didn’t hear anything’
‘Sorry?’
‘You said something brayed, but I didn’t hear a thing – haven’t seen a donkey around here for weeks anyway.’
‘I’ve absolutely no idea what you’re going on about!’ Nuff was busy going through her work basket. ‘There you are – braid mail. It’s like chain mail only more detailed (which is the subtle difference you want) and the braiding gives you more protection.’
‘ Aah, yes, of course. No noise at all. Never was. Never could be. Yes, that looks like it will do the trick.!’
So the Knights of the Inner Ring Road changed their name and became the Knights of Braid (but only to themselves – they didn’t want to give the game away, now, did they…)
On to the next stage. Battle plans were drawn up, troops armed and exercised (all in secret of course), and soon they were ready.
The plan was simple. They would send out a few men dressed as peasants first. And these would shout names at Leesum and the Baron’s men. Not names like John or Brian or Barry, naturally, but something that would get them riled such as Big Nose, Flappy Ears, and Pig’s Face. This would cause the Prince’s men to get extremely annoyed, agitated and worked up so that they would become a set of snarling, sitting targets crowded inside a small part of the Inner Ring Road.
Troops would be strategically positioned, Sir Cumference would take charge of protecting the right flank while Sir Cumnavigate would take the left. The Rest of the men would prepare to charge the opposing ranks full in the face.
And it worked.
‘Chaaaarge!!’ went the order and the first wave of troops piled into Leesum’s hordes, then a second wave, then a third. Those of Leesum’s men that weren’t knocked down or captured, scattered and fled beyond the city way out into the country (it is even said that many of them went abroad to places like the Isle of Wight, and even the Scillies). The once crowded Ring Road was now freed and so were the streets of the inner city. The peasants became citizens again and everything returned to normal, uncrowded harmony (well as far as they were concerned it was harmonious – you and I might have different ideas about that!). As for Leesum and Wasteland, well they disappeared never to be heard of again.
And so it was that this now famous charge freed the inner city from the scourge of Leesum and removed the overcrowded ring road. The charge naturally acquired its own famous name: ‘The Charge of the Knights in Braid’. It also acquired another name and one that may be better remembered these days. What name might that be…I hear you ask? Why,
‘The Inner City of Londinium Congestion Charge’, of course.
Time for my tablets again… aah, and here come the pixies…..
* and you will do soon – right here. So no need to go wandering off looking elsewhere, after all…