[Cyclefrance]

Well, let’s hope that Mari’s back tomorrow for two reasons. One, obviously, that you are screaming for relief from this prosaic onslaught, and second, I haven’t any more to give you after today, unless I think up some new ones, and that’ll take a bit more time to do.

So the last entries – yes, entries. Two relatively short ones, and not really stories as much as commentaries. The first speaks for itself – in more ways than one, as you are about to find out. The second needs an introduction:



Educational Reform - Common Syllabic Spelling Experiment


The government is concerned at the deterioration in basic learning - too many pupils are leaving school wthout being able to read and write properly.

In an attempt to improve matters the government is advocating a return to the teaching of English by phonetic syllables. This is Ok, but we've seen it before and it wasn't a success last time around. If we want it to work, then I feel we need to allow words to be formed using a commonality that has not previously been possible.

How will this work?

Spelling of each syllable should be as accurate as possible, based on the word it represents. for example 'education' becomes 'edge-you-kay-shun' - and if we go this way the there will be plane-tea of that.

To give you a bet-tar eye-deer of how this will work I will give fur-the eggs-arm-pulls by tie-ping words in see-lay-balls from now on. It is not so seal-he as it sounds (or purr-wraps that should be looks!)

Hen-he-way, the go-fair-meant wants to car-he out their eggs-pair-he-meant so we are go-wing to have to face this die-all-hem-air hen-he-way.

Yew-sing the mirth-hod I am add-vow-kate-tin, off-air the car-ming months the pew-pills from part-hiss-he-pay-tin schools will be hay-bull to hay-queue-mew-late hen-off words to east-tab-leash a rear-sun-air-bull foe-cab-ewe-lair-he.

Add-dish-shun-all-he, there is no rear-son why they should not use numb-burrs for words like to (bee-combs '2') and for (bee-combs '4') and awe-there words may all-sew be shore-tend - e.g. 'wait' bee-combs 'w8'
.
If you have hen-he quest-shuns air-boat this eggs-pair-he-meant and the hide-ears the go-fair-meant has then please do ask them yew-sing the mead-he-hum of the 4-hum. Please do not w8 2 be asked fur-there.

I look 4-ward to he-ring from you.

Men-he thanks


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When President Bush was scheduled to visit Canada last year, one of the members of this other forum suggested that there were sufficient grounds for the Canadians to indict Bush. The member then went on at some length to make the case for this action. It all seemed a bit long-winded to me so I proposed the following alternative, and I thought far more attractive solution than indicting Bush:



Why don't we ignite Bush instead?

All this indicting stuff takes so long - it'll be years before it gets through the courts, and who's to say the desired outcome will be achieved. You may be convinced you have a good case but once Dubbya's lawyers get hold of it, well, who's to say...?

Now, a good old-fashioned burn up is a much, much simpler and quicker solution - absolutely no hang-ups - position, ignite, and whooosh, away he goes - and think of all the benefits:

1. Those standing close enough will get nice and warm.

2. If it's arranged for November 5th then there will be a significant saving on Guy production (one for the Brits there!)

3. The Christian/Jewish lobby will be satisfied with this solution as it will remind them of Moses when he got the message about taking the tablets ('oh, look a burning Bush...')

4. Properly managed it can act as a timely warning about the danger of forest fires. A controlled Bush fire is a safe fire.

5. The department of the double-entendre will be in hysterics.

6. There's potential for a huge turnout if the event is staged and promoted properly. Maybe venues like Hyde Park in London and Central Park in New York and big screens in other locations to permit even more viewers and attendees as well. I'm sure Sir Bob would jump at the opportunity to be involved, which brings us onto....

7. Charity fund raising - needs a catchy name like 'match of the day' (with a title like that the door's open for similar events on other occasions)

Well, think about it, anyway...

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And that’s your lot!