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I think with a second (and subsequent) child(ren), parents are more relaxed, more confident and more able to treasure those fleeting moments that make parenting so precious. With the first one, you are nervous, scared, over-protective and stressed about this little life that is totally in your hands. The next time around, things come more naturally and instinctually and it is more joyous time for everyone, in my opinion.
I see the difference between my parenting (3 time mother) and my partner (our 11 month old is his first). He doesn't automatically do the things I do that make parenting so easy, because they are all new to him. I know I have been able to relax and treasure every minute of this baby's development because I am so much more confident and secure in my parenting abilities than I was with my first two.
Maybe your wife truly enjoyed pregnancy, childbirth, raising an infant, making bottles, watching him learn to walk and talk and develop. Possibly she simply wants to experience again, these amazing and beautiful things. Having another child doesn't mean that anyone will be loved any less, it just multiplies a thousand fold the love within the family.
In addition, quite possibly she does want this child in order to have a part of you. She may feel that she would not or could not, ever have a child with someone after you are gone and feels that this is her last chance...ever. Children are our heritage and our future, they are our pride and joy (or sorrow) as they mature into adults.
Have you thought about why you are so dead set against this? You only said that you are worried about a 'bad-pain' day and having a small child in the house. How would a small child make this worse? Children bring us happiness and joy, how could this be a bad thing? Is it possible that you are digging your feet in about this from a purely emotional standpoint as well? Is there some sense of jealousy that you may not be around to raise another child to adulthood? Or that your wife would have to spend some time on the child that you think should be your time? Forgive me if I'm out of line, I'm just wondering and could be totally off base.
I do think having a third party (counselor) help you both sort out your reasonings is a good idea. And as Glatt said, wanting a child is not always totally logical. It can be a yearning, an instinct, and a powerful desire. Usually, if there are good, logical reasons NOT to have one (finances, space, health) then we talk ourselves out of it, but in the absence of those..it's not something that is easily buried.
Just my 2 cents..such as it is.
Stormie
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