[AlternateGray]

Thanks for the advice and the support... but I think I might have been misunderstood. Job security and a steady source of income, and insurance and retirement benefits.

I understand that the above will always play a part in relationships... but there's a difference between it being a factor in a relationship based on love and caring, and using someone for it while carrying on with a relationship from the past (a lover who was unwilling to maintain a steady job). I'll admit, the relationship ended physically when we moved. I'm assuming. I still feel used, because I'm still being used. And the problems have not ended- I understand now why that is. She needs me, but doesn't love me- and she resents me for it in a way. She resents me because I was supposed to be her ticket to an easy life, a way out of the small town she was stuck in. She spends my money faster than I can make it, her number one concern over the phone is when I'm getting my next promotion and raise, and I think she's pissed because she gave up the man she cared about for a life that's not as fantastic as she thought it would be. Her behavior during our marriage has not been that of someone who cares about their spouse. Even remotely. I made all kinds of excuses for her actions, although some I couldn't explain- because I wanted to believe she was with me because she cared about me. I could give some examples, but I'd rather not, as most are pretty embarrassing, some humiliating. Her pledge to make life difficult for me if I leave the military before my ten year mark should have been a pretty good giveaway (for those of you who are familiar with the military). Of course, she didn't come right out and say the ten-year mark- it took two months of fighting about me re-enlisting before she finally made that slip.
And I know, I know: if her behavior is as bad as I say it is, why didn't I see this earlier? Because I didn't want to. I still don't want to, but denial only goes so far. I remember someone saying at work that their wife had told them to volunteer for deployment for the extra money, and I thought to myself, that's one cold bitch. If the family needs money that bad, cut your bills, and she can get a damned job. Of course, when my wife suggested it to me (and I make more than enough to take care of our bills- just not enough to sate her spending), it didn't even click right away, although it did offend the hell out of me (I both love and hate deploying, but I'd like to be in a relationship where my companionship, and possibly my life, is worth more than $500 a month to my spouse). Everything's starting to click. I can understand why she doesn't respect me- if I told someone I loved them, treated them the way she does, and they actually kept believing me, much less putting up with it? I'd think they were a fucking moron. The thing is, she will never, ever, admit to deceiving me. The one thing I can always guarantee is that she will never admit to doing wrong, no matter how blatant it was, and will use the entire playbook of dishonesty: dodge-divert-distract-shiftblame-crying-outrage. If pinned down with no way to deny, she uses anger.
I appreciate your concern about my focus, but don't worry. When we roll for the gate, a switch flips in my mind and the only things that exist are the here and the now, the mission ahead. It's from years of training.

P.S. The women I mentioned above aren't after a healthy relationship with a stable guy. They're after a walking paycheck who spends a lot of time away from home, if you get my drift. There's teenage girls in Fayetteville who can tell you down to the dollar what a soldier makes based on his rank and time in service. Not an exaggeration. That's not natural. I would go so far as to say that's... a little creepy.