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Originally Posted by rkzenrage
I was not talking about explicit discussions, but if someone asks you out, you are discussing it... instead of making excuses and dragging it out, what is wrong with just telling them that you don't want to go out with them?
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Well, if you're kickin' it old-skool, the scripted response isn't "I don't find you attractive enough to go to a movie with." but rather "I'm washing my hair that night."
This works better for women than for guys...especially bald ones.
If you're not keen to offer a rejecteee a face-saving exit, then go right ahead: "No, I wouldn't go to the dance with you even if you pur a bag over your head."
The thing that creates this stress is both sides pretending this is purely social banter rather than the introit to a mating ritual, with an intent to provide graceful exits in the event of an abort. As is so often the case, direct honesty would be simpler, but not always as comfortable. This way there's a chance for the "If I ask you, will you say 'yes'" and "if I say 'yes', will you ask me?"
Secondary function is providing a context for further evaluative interaction before getting down to brass tacks. You can tell an awful lot about what kind of lover somebody is by how they handle the preliminaries.