[vsp]

For the first time in as long as I can remember, my main email account has received virus-infected mail. Not one but THREE copies of SirCam from J. Random Putz (or "Michael", to be precise -- I'll do him a small favor and leave out his last name) are sitting in my inbox. The subject lines were "cover letter", "Pittsford PT" and "CROTCHED MOUNTAIN REHABILITATION CENTER," and each had the ever-popular "I send you this file in order to have your advice" tagline.

All three were sent to an address that I use as an anti-spam flag -- suffice it to say that it's part of my main account, but there's a prefix that's only valid for mail under particular circumstances. It's the address I generally use on USENET and on web sites, registrations, etc., so my filters cat the headers on its incoming mail to a file where I can check them over.

Well, I had no idea who Michael is, but I was amused that he took the time to collect my email address, put it in his address book and send me these tidings of joy. So I decided to find out a little more about my secret admirer!

Throwing his name into Google revealed that Michael works for a data-communications company in Rochester, NY. This is consistent with both his email address and with the the area code of the telephone and fax numbers listed with his name on the company's web site.

To his credit, the email came from what I surmise is his home address, as it didn't match his work email listed on the site. Thus, I suspect Michael has not been in contact with the Crotched Mountain Rehab Center while pursuing his career in Inside Sales.

Further research revealed a Michael of his surname who ran a marathon in 1998 in just under five hours. This particular Michael's home town was listed in Georgia, so I have some doubt as to whether this is the same Michael. If it is, I salute Michael, as he's a much more dedicated runner than I will ever be. 26 miles is a long goddamn distance to run. He could have moved between the time of the marathon and the time of the emails, after all.

Apart from that, Michael appears to have kept a low profile on the Internet. The DejaNews archives (bastardized as they may be by the Google takeover) revealed no USENET traces of Michael, which eliminated my first guess as to where he obtained my address. Evidently, he doesn't frequent the same newsgroups that I do, or at least he's one hell of a lurker if he does. I don't recall dealing with anyone with his name on eBay, but eBay is sufficiently paranoid about their users' email addresses any more that I can't check that out. So screw eBay. Screw eBay with a big rubber implement.

I bear you no ill will, Michael, whoever you are. You've been victimized by the same email virus as 4,582,668 other people who haven't learned yet not to use Outlook Express. So, should some quirk of fate direct you to this message, Michael, just watch your ass around attachments next time. And, Michael, you may thank me for being tactful; I am amused enough by your situation to not post your surname, employer's name, email, work email, work phone and work fax numbers here. If I did, you've left such a small mark on the Internet so far that this rant would likely be all you'd find if you chose to ego-surf at a later date.

The saddest thing, of course, is that all of my email goes through a Unix shell account and five layers of Procmail filters, so it had exactly zero chance of infecting me.

Which is why I am laughing my ass off right now.

Woo-hoo!

jeff. Life can be too sweet sometimes.