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Originally Posted by rkzenrage
...to find times to communicate when we naturally would.
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I had to laugh...when we want to 'talk'...we find ourselves in the Master BR closet! I pointed out to him that this is OUR house and we shouldn't have to speak to each other in our closet.
When they first moved in, he told them they were not to fight in front of me. It bothers me very badly (raised voices, cursing and saying hurtful things). He told them if they needed to blow off steam that way they needed to take it outside or down to the barn. If my health suffered (took a downturn) they would be out in a flash and it wouldn't bother him at all to turn them out. Thankfully, they have not fought in front of me...and not been the cause of any medical problems I experienced last summer.
Hubby agrees that they need to get motivated, but he also acknowledges that if his sis cries, he backs off. He and I discussed her and her unemployed status and agreed that she needed to be spoken to. We had planned on doing it together one evening...but that evening didn't turn out to be the best time...and I tackled it privately with the sis the next morning. I was balancing the checkbook and it seemed a good segue to speak with her about our finances and resources being slowly drained by them.
The convo was a good one. No crying, no raised voices. I just calmly stated the facts and what I expected out of her/them.
Now for tonight and my 40th tomorrow fiasco...
I have thought about it all day and realize I have been carrying this around with me for 10 years. It is time to let it go.
My husband loves me. He came home from work tonight and brought up how surprised he was when I mentioned a 40th party last night. His mind just doesn't think that way...and I really cannot expect him to read my mind. We went outside and moved some fencing panels to prepare for bringing my horse home from the trainer's and discussed plans for the property. We had a good evening.
I really am very lucky, he does a lot for me. I don't work. I have a nice home. I have a horse. I have a classic sportscar. A b-day party is NOT the be-all, end-all of my life. He is my life. He is there when I need him most, every time. That is what is important.
I am very glad I behaved like a Thoroughbred. I do not ever want him to think me a Nag.
Thank you all for your advice.
hh
ps...he made a comment this evening that he and his boss (our friend) are cooking up some sort of celebration, but it needs a bit more time...so I'll get some celebratory something...just not tomorrow. We don't have the funds this week.