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Originally Posted by Elspode
I'm afraid I can't fart because they removed my colon fifteen years ago and forgot to replace it with an artificial one... :p Think of it as someone having stolen your whoopie cushion.
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Haven't you learned many entertaining ways in which to vent your bag? The SBD (deadlier, if colostomy output is anything to gauge ileostomy by) is the primary option, but you're a skilled musician ... there must be some way to utilize the built up gas like you do for bagpipes (or is the gas formed lower down in the plumbing, which you lost.)