That's a tough question to answer. From my own perspective, I don't really see the low-profile thing. Out here on the east coast, I only occasionally participate in social, political or spiritual activities (if someone doesn't tell me about them, I'll look them up myself--a lot of events are on the internet), but sometimes I get approached and approach others, try to keep up on the news, and go back to visit my family somewhat regularly in New Mexico.
You might've missed out on a good opportunity with you ex--she sounds like she really knew what was going on in the Indian world.
But you mentioned you're Scottish...threatened with death, I couldn't begin to tell you the significance of kilts or what tartan belongs to what clan. So maybe we're in the same boat.
As for the old ways...they're just the continuing ways. The ways of dress in religious rites, well, how long have Catholic priests worn robes? It's not all that different.