[Hyoi]

Please face me when we’re speaking. You’re so shallow, you disappear when you stand in profile.

Your parents must have been shocked when you showed up. They were told that conception by anal sex was impossible.

Don’t feel too terribly bad. I think your low self-image is FULLY justified.

You must be the Second Coming. Only God could have been tough enough to fuck your Mama.

You wrinkled old bastard. Your face looks like Estelle Getty’s butt. (Bernard to Don Imus).

Ripley’s doesn’t believe you.

Your mother’s milk is donkey piss. (The Haj, Leon Uris)

You were a wasted fuck. Your old man should have rolled over and shot you on the wall.

Just how long ago DID you flatline?

I'm terribly sorry you’re so heartbroken, but you must understand that even the National Enquirer has standards.

You’re the reason most brothers and sisters don’t have sex.

You’re the only person I know that goes to a dentist for a pedicure.