DanaC, when I first read this 3 days ago I had trouble making sense of it. I couldn't get the rhythm of it. On top of that, I hadn't eaten and I was having a sugar crash.
Now I've had a few days to think about it, and just read it again. I'm liking it a lot more, particularly the fact that it tells an interesting story. It has a gentle post-apocalyptic feel, primarily because you have no interactions with real people (except for the Queen, and she is mainly a mythic figure). For example, in the race, you're winning, but there don't seem to be any competitors.
Some of the language sounds lonely, like
Quote:
Til Queeny jumped off and
Gave a famous smile
Said you guys
Go on alone
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which I thought was particularly sad.
It could end right where it does, or even after:
Quote:
Left the rockinghorse grazing
At the edge of the city.
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In which case, it starts and ends with just you and the cat. But it might be even more effective if the cat runs off with the rockinghorse and leaves you alone, standing at the edge of the river.