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You know those little bits of pork with bright red on the outside that are in some Chinese dishes? You might find it in lo mein or in egg rolls or fried rice. It's just a sweet barbecue with a lot of red dye.
Anyhow, some years back, my ex decided to make some. S'okay, we had dinner of these barbecued pork bits with psychedelic red sauce, practically glow in the dark. While we are eating, a transient comes walking past the house with overalls covered in paint. Very crusty looking, unwashed for days kinda stuff.
The ex goes out to see what he wants. He wants us to pay him to paint the numbers on our driveway. Our driveway was wood chips and sand. Okay, the curb then? Yer standin on it, buddy, where the grass kisses the road. The ex decides to chat him up while I'm inside with my lips and fingers stained this brilliant red. Then the two of them hit it off so well that the ex invites him to join us for dinner.
I wanted to hose both of them off before they came inside, even though we were eating on the front glassed in porch. It was still in my house, dammit. So there I am serving two crazier than me guys impossibly sweet, impossibly red, and very cold barbecued pork. I had to get both of them to wash up first. Interesting guy. Either one.
The next day, the police were around to warn us of the guy who'd been scamming the neighborhood, and possibly casing the houses.
I can't see a shred of that pork anymore without thinking about that. Kinda ruined it for me, but then anything that outrageous looking has got to be bad for you, eh?
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