[Sundae]

I disagree with the basic premise that parenting does not have an effect on the grown adult.

For example I know that myself and my siblings have a deep rooted "don't disturb the neighbours" attitude instilled in us by our mother. In me, this evidences itself as a belief that other people's opinions and happiness are more important than mine, and their opinion of me is the most important benchmark in my life. I live in terror of being judged harshly by the outside world and it has affected my job choices as well as general day to day life.

It was when I met a beautiful, witty, kind and generally all round great person who told the same stories as me and had the same ridiculously low opinion of herself that I realised perhaps this was a shared element in our pasts. Yup - her Mum was exactly the same (at least in that regard). Her story was complicated by a divorce, a natural father that showed no interest and a stepdad who had to be pleased at all costs, but I could certainly see parallels in our approach to the world.

I'm not blaming my Mum for my problems - I know my Nan instilled the same attitude in her - but I definitely believe that the values were taught and not endemic.