[TheMercenary]

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two

dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him

and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion

allowed per passenger.'



2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One

turns to the other and says 'Dam!'



3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were

chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.

Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again

that you can't have your kayak and heat it

too.



4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've

lost my Electron.' The other says 'Are you

sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm

positive.'



5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who

refused Novocain during a root canal? His

goal: transcend dental medication.



6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into

a hotel and were standing in the lobby

discussing their recent tournament victories.

After about an hour, the manager came out of

the office and asked them to disperse. 'But

why?', they asked, as they moved off.

'Because,' he said,' I can't stand chess-nuts

boasting in an open foyer.'



7. A woman has twins and gives them up for

adoption. One of them goes to Spain , they

name him 'Juan'; the other went to a family

in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.' Years later,

Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth

mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells

her husband that she wishes she also had a

picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,

'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've

seen Ahmal.'



8. A group of friars were behind on their

belfry payments, so they opened up a small

florist shop to raise funds Since everyone

liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a

rival florist across town thought the

competition was unfair. He asked the good

fathers to close down, but they would not. He

went back and begged the friars to close.

They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired

Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most

vicious thug in town to 'persuade' them to

close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed

their store, saying he'd be back if they

didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so,

thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent

florist friars.


9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked

barefoot most of the time, which produced an

impressive set of calluses on his feet. He

also ate very little, which made him rather

frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered

from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this

is so bad, it's good) a super calloused

fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.



10. And finally, there was the person who

posted ten different puns on a message board, with the

hope that at least one of the puns would make

people laugh. No pun in ten did.