[lookout123]

most counselors are focused on helping individuals through their individual issues. that is necessary in the long term but often the marriage will be sacrificed along the way. You need to get on the phone and start talking to counselors - ask them straight out "Is your primary focus the individual or reconstruction of a healthy marriage?" Most will start spouting drivel. Thank them for their time then continue on to the next. When you find someone who acknowledges the difference ask some questions, if they aren't exactly what you are looking for they will most likely refer you to someone they know that does specialize. The most important thing to remember that a marriage cannot work if the both people do not want it to work. Seems like common sense but it's a tough pill to swallow.

If the idea of faith or God playing a role in your life/marriage seems hokey or foolish stop here. Good luck and best wishes.

If you are open to the idea continue on. If you don't even know where to start and the phone book seems too daunting then go the largest non-denominational church in your area and ask to speak with their counseling or marriage pastor. Most of the big churches have someone that fills that type of role. He/she will have a list of resources. Most likely several marriage counselors. The benefit of using a counselor who bases their practice on Biblical principles is that they generally place a much higher priority on fixing/building the marriage you are in and only see divorce as preferable in cases of abuse, etc.

A book that may be useful to you is Hope For The Separated by Gary Chapman. Good book but understand that this is the same author that wrote the 28 million different versions of The Five Love Languages... so it is very Bible based.