[Dingleschmutz]

It's ok that she left, what am I gonna do, get bitter? You know what, you can't get bitter man, just because someone tells you they love you, then they leave. You gotta think that it's a reason that it happened, you gotta look on the bright side, you gotta move on, right? Right? On the bright side I'm glad she left, 'cause you know what? It helped my career, 'cause I'm driven now. I'm driven by a fantasy that one day this girl who I loved more than anything in the world, and she said she loved me then left, one day she's gonna be living someday in a trailer park somewhere in Alabama living with this ex-welder, 600 lbs., fur all over his back, drinks warm beer, farts, belches, beats the kids, watches the Dukes of Hazzard every fucking night... And has to have it explained to him... She's gonna have 9 naked little kids with rickets that bring home dead animals from the side of the road for them to eat at night, burs in their hair, mud on their face, rats layin' babies in their ears at night... And one night, that welder's gonna be making love to her and he's gonna be on top and suddenly his heart's gonna explode and she's gonna be trapped under 600 lbs. of flaccid fish belly cellulite shifting like the tides of the ocean as blood, phlegm and bile pour out of his mouth and nose into her face... And just before she drowns in that tepid puddle of afterbirth, she's gonna turn to the Tonight Show... And I'm gonna be on it.

~Bill Hicks