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Originally Posted by dar512
Now I'm visualizing hawkeye holding the ceremonial mace up to a burglar and shouting "This is my ceremonial mace. It is a symbol of my power."
Actually, that might work if you looked crazy enough when you said it.
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That was actually a legitimate technique they taught us in self-defense class as a teen. There was a supposedly firsthand story about one woman who woke up to find an intruder in her house, and for some reason (it was unclear whether this was deliberate on her part or she just lost it) she began singing some kids' song at him. He stared at her for a few moments, and then just left.
If nothing else, it could buy you some time.