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Juniper · 08-12-2008, 09:43 PM

Interesting thread.

My family enforced reasonably strict table manners, much to the consternation of my grandma. Grandma (maternal grandma) lived with us and was nearly always the cook, but was a real country gal. Now that I reflect on it, I understand why she was always so reluctant to come to the table with the rest of us and sat to eat right about when we were done. My dad made her nervous, I guess.

My dad was raised in a home that served as a boarding house in the 1940's-50's, and said that the horrible manners of their boarders appalled him to such a degree he would never live that way again. But as neither parent had actual "training" about such things, aside from what they'd read in books, we mostly did what made for reasonably pleasant meals.

Important things were proper knife & fork usage (nothing formal, just learning not to look awkward while doing it), napkin in lap, no elbows on table (forearms OK but discouraged), chewing with mouth closed, not reaching across the table for things, not mixing foods not intended for such, never touching another person's food, etc.

We served our meals "family style" in dishes on the table, help yourself. My parents didn't make an issue of how much I ate; I guess I was always reasonable about it. Mom always said, she'd never make me eat this or that, because there were plenty of foods she didn't like either.

I'm glad my parents enforced those table manners; they said, and I agree wholeheartedly, that there would be times that manners really matter and I'd be glad to know how to behave, glad that the manners came naturally without much effort.

Ahem...now it's my turn to be the enforcer.

We have rules too, but we're not nearly as strict as my parents. I still cannot abide open-mouthed chewing, loud belches, reaching across the table, wiping mouths on sleeves! But oh my gosh, my challenges are many. Like making my son sit in the damn chair for the twenty minutes it takes to eat a meal. Not too much to ask, I don't think.

I hate having the TV on during meals, but we do it all the time. (sigh)

But then again, I have a bad habit of reading at the table, so I can't complain too much.

We tend to serve our meals buffet-style; I put all the foods (often in their pots/pans, to save effort) either on the stove or on the kitchen island and let everyone just come and plate up whatever they want. Now that my kids are 10 and 12 they can decide how much they want at a time and can usually go for seconds.

I don't make them clean their plate, certainly - but I do make sure they eat a reasonable amount of what they took. Which isn't a challenge with my daughter who will eat anything at any time (where she puts it I have no idea), but my son is SO picky, it's like he gets bored with eating as soon as the initial hunger pangs are gone. Then of course he's hungry again 10 minutes later and expects to eat snacks. Drives me bonkers.

08-12-2008, 09:43 PM	#14
Juniper I know, right? Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 1,539	Interesting thread. My family enforced reasonably strict table manners, much to the consternation of my grandma. Grandma (maternal grandma) lived with us and was nearly always the cook, but was a real country gal. Now that I reflect on it, I understand why she was always so reluctant to come to the table with the rest of us and sat to eat right about when we were done. My dad made her nervous, I guess. My dad was raised in a home that served as a boarding house in the 1940's-50's, and said that the horrible manners of their boarders appalled him to such a degree he would never live that way again. But as neither parent had actual "training" about such things, aside from what they'd read in books, we mostly did what made for reasonably pleasant meals. Important things were proper knife & fork usage (nothing formal, just learning not to look awkward while doing it), napkin in lap, no elbows on table (forearms OK but discouraged), chewing with mouth closed, not reaching across the table for things, not mixing foods not intended for such, never touching another person's food, etc. We served our meals "family style" in dishes on the table, help yourself. My parents didn't make an issue of how much I ate; I guess I was always reasonable about it. Mom always said, she'd never make me eat this or that, because there were plenty of foods she didn't like either. I'm glad my parents enforced those table manners; they said, and I agree wholeheartedly, that there would be times that manners really matter and I'd be glad to know how to behave, glad that the manners came naturally without much effort. Ahem...now it's my turn to be the enforcer. We have rules too, but we're not nearly as strict as my parents. I still cannot abide open-mouthed chewing, loud belches, reaching across the table, wiping mouths on sleeves! But oh my gosh, my challenges are many. Like making my son sit in the damn chair for the twenty minutes it takes to eat a meal. Not too much to ask, I don't think. I hate having the TV on during meals, but we do it all the time. (sigh) But then again, I have a bad habit of reading at the table, so I can't complain too much. We tend to serve our meals buffet-style; I put all the foods (often in their pots/pans, to save effort) either on the stove or on the kitchen island and let everyone just come and plate up whatever they want. Now that my kids are 10 and 12 they can decide how much they want at a time and can usually go for seconds. I don't make them clean their plate, certainly - but I do make sure they eat a reasonable amount of what they took. Which isn't a challenge with my daughter who will eat anything at any time (where she puts it I have no idea), but my son is SO picky, it's like he gets bored with eating as soon as the initial hunger pangs are gone. Then of course he's hungry again 10 minutes later and expects to eat snacks. Drives me bonkers.