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I was often told by Mum that she couldn't cope with me any more and I would have to be put in a home. And I genuinely believed it.
I remember knowing that this was "the next time" I was always being threatened with and hiding behind the sofa crying silently because I heard Mum on the phone. I fell asleep and was only woken by the call for tea. Mum didn't connect my flushed puffy face, lack of appetite and tearful demeanour with my earlier bad behaviour - she thought I was ill and was very kind to me (making me cry more).
I was put to bed with kisses and kind words and never told her that all I was suffering from was remorse and relief. Although to be fair, I was genuinely worn out by then.
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