[Undertoad]

Scene: McCain HQ, six weeks ago. Major McCain operatives R and S are discussing possible VP choices.

R: Okay, now on to this Palin character. She looks pretty weak... 44, very little experience...
S: Yeah, they'll attack her experience relentlessly. That seems obvious.
R: The back room has been mocking her since L put her name forward. He won't live that one down.
S: Huh. Well, what if she was the nominee?
R: I -- I guess the room would be a little ticked off.
S: Would they?
R: Well no, obviously they'd support her publicly.
S: OK, but what about CBS News? The Times?
R: They'd totally savage her. The 17-year-old pregnancy --
S: An Alaskan woman, a Conservative who wanted to read news.
R: She's practically designed to get under their skin. I mean, not only does she have all these built-in weaknesses, she's pro-life and a hunter. They won't be able to stand it.

S stares at him. They pause.

S: So is that a good thing... or a bad thing?
R: To be the enemy of the Times? I guess that's bad...
S: Every successful R candidate has been an enemy of the Times. I really mean the rest of 'em. The Kos kiddies, the bloggers, the Bush Derangement Syndrome sufferers. The usual suspects. They were desperate enemies of Lieberman. And the result there?
R: Lieberman wins as an Independent, Ds lose a Senate seat, win-win for us.
S: Exactly. Are we in a so-dumb-it's-incredibly-smart situation like that?
R: Lieberman wasn't dumb, he was just a pawn in that game. The netroots smelled blood in the water and they had to act.
S: But they weren't smart about that blood. They were just animals, and in the end they turned them against themselves, like sharks without any prey left in the water. Dumb for them, smart for us. If we could engineer that, we'd be geniuses.

R stares at him. They pause.

R: Well there's no Independent rescue boat in this case. We pick Palin, she has to stay in the water and keep getting bit.
S: Victory us.
R: How could it be?
S: How could it not be? Look, in the Primaries, Obama won because one, he identified how he can be the candidate that represents change. Two, because he was relentlessly optimistic, with an enormously optimistic message. And he realized it from the beginning, and planned around that.
R: We know that.
S: Right. So what happens when his entire base goes negative, because they can't help themselves?
R: Obama gets painted as a negative candidate. People take him as less principle, more political. More of the same-old.
S: Exactly.
R: Ruins his entire basis as a candidate.
S: The longer they wail, the more the people become cynical. The more it's a bitter 50-50 fight. The less it's about issues, which is what Democrats win on. The more about who you trust, which is what Republicans win on. The more it's Obama rhetoric versus righty rhetoric. The more it's Obama rhetoric, versus Obama inspiring.

R stares at him. They pause.

R: But from a very basic governance standpoint, how can we nominate a person with less experience than Obama?
S: It's perfect. Do you realize what you just did?
R: Asked a question about how the US of A should be governed?
S: No. This is politics, governance has nothing to do with it. Do you realize you've been comparing Palin to Obama?
R: Sure. Isn't everybody going to ask the same question?
S: Absolutely. So dumb, it's smart.
R: But doesn't Obama have more experience than Palin?
S: Yup, by one year, by my reckoning. It's a disaster for Palin. And if it is, it's a minor disaster for Obama. You're confused. Picture this. The New York Yankees, in the middle of a pennant race against the Red Sox, play an exhibition game against a girl's software team in Manhattan. And they win: final score, 5 to 4.
R: Oh, I gotcha now! Their number one position beats up our number two position. Even if they win, they lose. Either they demolish the women's team, which is expected, but then they look like pricks for beating up on the women. Or they only beat the women's team by a point... which makes the women's team look great and the Yankees look bad.
S: They can only hurt themselves. The race is not Obama-Palin. It's Obama-McCain.
R: Obama went and beat up a defenseless little girl.
S: Exactly. Well, not a defenseless one, she hunts.
R: Is there any way that Obama can remain positive and still battle her?
S: He can try, but his followers, the kool-aid drinkers, they will drag him down.