Last night Mrs L went to a wedding and reception while I stayed home with the kids. It broke my heart, but... ah, nevermind - I don't like the bride so I stayed home. She took one of her girlfriends. Why is this news worthy of this thread? Because the girlfriend just told me about the dinner conversation Mrs L had. She is generally very anti-conflict and diplomatic so it's pretty unusual for her.
Male guest: My wife tells me your kid plays soccer?
Mrs L: Yes, he plays for ____soccerclub.
Male guest: Cool. Is he any good?
Mrs L: He seems to be. He really loves the game.
Male guest: Well if he's any good you should bring him over to my club. I own ______ soccer academy. I've been coaching for ten years and I only hire the best coaches. I've thought about buying your club, but the price just isn't right.
Mrs L: Our club is a non-profit organization.
Male guest: You know what I mean. You really should bring him over to work with some real coaches.
Mrs L: Thanks, but we're pretty happy with our club. The kids really are great friends and all the parents get along very well.
Male guest: That's nice, but the club isn't that great at developing players. We have the best coaches in the western US. Many of them have played professionally overseas. In fact, your club has asked me to take over training duties because they don't really have any qualified coaches.
Mrs L: We really do like our club and besides we've seen some ugly incidents with your club's coaches. In the age group over us, the team was ejected from a tournament because the coaches verbally assaulted the referees.
Male guest: That's not how it happened. The referees just didn't like our team winning.
Mrs L: I was at that game. I know exactly what happened. Your team wasn't winning. Besides, we really work on good sportsmanship above all and I've seen your players throw some pretty dirty moves on the field. I wouldn't want lil lookout associated with that.
Male guest: We teach our kids proper physical soccer. You've probably just heard the completely ridiculous story from when two of our teams played and one of your kids wasn't big enough to take a physical challenge - he hurt his knee a little is all. My son is the one involved so I know it was blown out of proportion.
Mrs L: Your player got beat and slid in from behind after grabbing our player's shirt and then drove his knee straight into our kid so his knee buckled. It really could have been ugly. Our player limped for several weeks and there were concerns about ligament damage. Your parents mocked him from the sidelines because he cried.
Male guest: That's just not true. The kid from your team pretended he got hurt to win a free kick. Your coach was completely unprofessional in his handling of it. A proper coach would have explained to the parents that sometimes games get physical. A proper coach would have taught his players how to win a physical game. A proper coach would pick bigger players for his team so he didn't have to worry about stuff like that. You really should move your kid over to our club before he falls any further behind in his development.
Mrs L: Actually I don't think that would work.
Male guest: Why?
Mrs L: Because you're a walking fuckstick. I'd urge my kid to take up ballet before I let him associate with the assholes and idiots at your club. I've watched our team beat yours every time they've met. MY kid is the one who got hurt on the field that day because YOUR kid was taught to play dirty. My kid personally lit your team up for two goals and a couple assists on the way to our 6-0 win. My kid is the one who had to ask me what a pussy was because one of your parents called him one for crying while he was down on the ground. I know this because I was there, standing next to my husband who happens to be the coach. So how about you go get another drink and leave me the fuck alone?
Apparently there were a few gasps and chuckles but that pretty much ended it. That guy really is a douche. His primary coaching technique is screaming until he is in danger of blowing blood vessels at which point he throws his clipboard and storms off.
