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Ma'am with all due respect, multiple-partner BDSM with knife play isn't just moose tracks vs vanilla. If not for you, for MOST people, it's not a simple choice. It often starts with a history of physical abuse by parents or other care-givers, or rape or some other trauma.
And if not you, think of the partners you're opening yourself up to. People who want to cut you and hurt you as a part of the sexual experience? That's not moose tracks, that's fucked up. Are these dangerous sex-lovers into condom use? Expect a minimum of herpes for the rest of your life. Minimum. It's not the worst thing in the world, but again, that is the minimum you will expect. These are the choices you're making.
So, what in your life has caused you to desire this highly dangerous, highly chaotic, highly intense behavior along with a history of bad choices in men? Why do you desperately want to be a victim? Why do you seek out men who want to victimize you? When presented with the idea of BDSM, you don't say "Ooh, it'd be kinky for you to tie me up a little and flog me" (i.e., moose tracks), you say "Ooh, utterly and completely dominate me with horrible pain and possibly permanent scars!"
I swear I am not being judgemental. I say these things because I like you and care about you, and I hope you are making good choices in your life. A previous Dwellar was actually raped with a knife and almost died. The consequences of your choices are really far-reaching if not deadly. This is not the stuff of healthy relationships. If you don't know why you're making these choices, I suggest you invest in counseling. It sounds nasty for me to even say that to you, I know, but it really isn't. It's not a negative thing, it's a positive thing and has helped literally millions of people.
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