[warch]

I recall when this topic came up previously there was some consensus of the generational quality to racism. When thinking about how my understanding of race came about these are a few things I remember:

1960's I remember being a little girl and hearing a joke about how black people's hair was ugly, and I felt sorry for little black girls and glad I wasnt one. It was a joke, but also an assumption that was reinforced for me all over the place.

1970's There was just a handful of non-white students in my HS of 2000 kids. I remember in 12th grade this black guy came to talk to our social studies class. I remember he called us "lily white" and told us that we had no idea about the real world. I felt insulted, kinda, or ripped off, or something. I wanted to know the real world. And I realized that I was indeed, lily white.

1980s So in college I did discover a more diverse world. I dated other races. I had a housemate for two years, Kim, who was black, from an affluent (at least more than mine)family in Cleveland. I went home with her a few times, on breaks and we were pretty close. Her sister also went to the same college, but traveled in totally different circles. Her sister was into the black frat/sorority system. I remember one time the sister came over to the house (A student flop house, we were all freaky art geeks, mostly white) she was in some beauty pagent or something and wanted Kim to come to it. Kim said no,(this had mostly to do with pretty sister/ugly sister shit) and I remember her sister called her a fucking oreo, living with these white punks. Kim would talk openly about race, she was just figuring it out and it helped me too. I remember her telling me about her grandmother giving the girls the paperbag test, to see how light they were, how pretty they were. And she shared tales of scary car rides to visit relatives in the segregated south. Kim gave me her hilarious, awkward school picture from 1st grade. I still have it, it cracks me up. Last I heard she was working as a therapist in the criminal justice system in North Carolina.

The next event that sticks in my mind is being 22 and getting attacked by a black guy on the street. He was drunk with a little knife, grabbed me, I fought and got away, but it was a life changer. He was eventually charged with rape for other incidents. I cant deny that it made me wary of men, particularly of black men who are strangers, trying to talk to me. But I try to be aware of that reaction and judge it accordingly.

1990s I moved to Texas and experienced segregation like I had never before. I was, on several occasions, taken as Hispanic. Sometimes this was good, sometimes this was bad. One time a hotel human resources woman refused to give me a job application for a sales position saying flatly, that I was not qualified. (Even though she didnt know my name, let alone my experience.) She instead directed me to the kitchen. In this hotel Blacks were housekeeping, Hispanics were food, Whites were front desk, Arabs were banquets/events. Later after I started working in the kitchen and she found that I was "white" she asked if I wanted to apply for the sales gig. No.(especially since I could get free chorizo tacos and laugh my ass off in the kitchen with Sylvia and Maria) I hated that HR hag.

Now. I like living in the city with people of all ages and backgrounds. I like being near the University with the diversity of students from all over the world walking down my street. I'm still very white, maybe not so lily , but I still know very little about walking around in someone elses skin.

I'm sorry. I cant spell fer shit.