[Sundae]

No, really.
Why? Love, cuddling, support, sex, a soulmate...? All those good things? Well, yes. But for the basic bottom line thing that all men are afraid women want - money.

I've been doing some internet research.
If I get a job, any kind of job at all, I won't be eligible for any kind of benefit.
Well, not if I work more than 16 hours a week.

If I work 30+ hours a week I can get tax credits... but they are means tested by the previous tax year. In which I earned £12,666.
Giving me a tax credit of £12.

"Go out and work then you lazy trollop," I hear you cry. Firstly, I do genuinely suffer from depression and anxiety. I've now been in and out of work almost as often as I've been posting on the Cellar. For the record I have almost always had a second (and in some cases a third) job to support myself - even most recently at EEA I was working 10 and sometimes up to 20 extra hours a week.

I now have a job as a volunteer (as I did in London when I was on benefits) but what I really want to do is get a part-time job to make sure this cycle does not repeat. It will give me social contact, self esteem, opportunities for further work, experience and a good framework for living i.e grooming, regular hours etc.

There is a one bedroomed maisonette up for rental literally 3 minutes from my parents. Ex-council. Unfurnished. Not swish in any way. £550 a month. I would need to be earning £20k pa to be able to afford that. The two new jobs on the JobCentrePlus website (Govt run) today - I check every day- are £15k pa.

So the bottom line is I need to sort my weight out. Make that my main priority. Devote all my time and attention to my appearance. Because me and a man could earn £10k each and have a nice flat. Because we could share electricity, gas, water, council tax, Diz-food & litter, cooking. Because I am obviously being selfish by trying to hog resources.

I'm semi-serious.
Can you tell I'm hurting tonight?