lol. Yes. As prose it's too constructed sounding I think. That's not how my straight prose reads, I have to say :P This started out as a stream of consciousness prose poem, then morphed halfway through into straight poetry. I liked the structure and rhythm that the initial prose gave it, so I tried to keep a prose flavour to it, albeit barely. I think it might be worth resetting it into a verse form. Visually I mean. I'll mull that over.
(oh and thanks
and yes it is glorious here!)