OC,
I just spent two hours reading this thread and am flabbergasted. Life has sure dealt you a shitty hand so far, except for your recent marriage
. I hope for you this one is the real deal. I don't even really know what to say except that you seem like a strong, solid, healthy person now and I applaud you for that. When I hear such a horrific tale as this it makes my measly woes seem irrelevent in the scheme of things. By your overcoming and moving on, I feel hope that I can "not sweat the small stuff" and try to live life in a more positive manner. Please don't take my post as turning attention to me, but I just want to let you know that even though I don't know you personally you have impacted me by surviving such bad things and turning out to be such a good, caring, friendly person.
I'm curious, what did you end up doing? Did you get word to the lawyer that Justin is OK, did you not make any further contact? I really don't know what I would do in this situation. I think I would send the lawyer a note saying that you have no interest in relaying any info. about your child to the "shitbag" in prison and that if he wanted to know how his son was he should of thought of that 12 years ago. I'd add the part about...
"This is the same man that, when I told him I was pregnant, said, "Is it too late for you to get an abortion?" The same person that ultimately pushed me to give Justin to Travis' aunt (we were homeless because he wouldn't work), and the same person that physically and emotionally abused me for over 2 years. After I had returned to England with Justin, I sent him a picture of Justin and a picture of Stonehenge. He sent the picture of Justin back and said he didn't care about him, but would I send a few more of Stonehenge?" for good measure. I really don't know though, something like this may just make "the asshole" more curious.
I was also curious (but if you'd rather not discuss it I would fully understand)...about Justin. Does he live with you now? Does he have any guilt feelings (for lack of better words) about what happened, I mean like feeling he was in some way responsible for his dad's (I can hardly bring myself to call this "sick-ass, murdering, piece of shit" someone's 'dad') behavior? Does he show any signs that he might consider himself a "bad seed" and think he might end up like "sperm donor"? I am in no way insinuating that this is likely to happen, but I remember seeing shows about children who are the product of a rape and when they learn of the circumstances of their conception they feel like they are not worthy human beings and other things along the "bad seed" line and go on to have mental and behavioral problems that affect their lives. I was just wondering if this might be true of a child whos parent commited a horrible crime like murder.