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daff0dil · 05-22-2009, 11:17 AM

oh man, this is all painful to read

first off, this isn't about tiki and her "issues" whatever they may be, so maybe we can get off that? I thought it was about a broken engagement and finding clarity or closure?

so in that vein:

d: the longer you look for a person to blame or what you did wrong or what she did wrong the longer you will be mired in details that are not, actually, relevant any more.
I understand, you are hurting and you love her and you want to be with her or atleast understand why you can't be.

one day you will probably get all these things, in the meanwhile, I am going to suggest something else:

here is what you know:
-whether or not she wanted to marry you for an hour or a second or a year, at the moment she does not want to, and is so uncomfortable with the thought she doesn't even want to talk to you yet. I would assume she wanted to marry you at some point and that whatever happened had something to do with you and something to do with her.

-she probably will one day want to resume contact, and when she does you can make that easier by briefly letter her know that you still love her, that you are sorry for the way things went down (not sorry you proposed, just sorry that it turned out how it did) and that you are here to listen, when that time comes. if you leave a message to that affect great. that seems perfect. if she picks up I'd tell her the same thing: you love her and are concerned about her and when she's ready to talk you are in need of clarity and closure. in person. remember: at this point, it's about you, not her. you don't know what's going on with her but you know what is going on with you.

-she will never feel good about saying yes than saying no. that just isn't something anyone tends to feel good about unless they are uniquely cruel. so don't hold it against her or find ways as to how or why she did something wrong when she said yes or no. she probably gaved mixed signals. you probably followed them because you wanted to believe them. not because you are deceitful. but you inadvertently misled her in your need.

anyway, that is my ten cents

well, that and about half of you are immature prats far too uncomfortable with your own emotions to witness criticism and conflict with jumping in or exaperbating it with the verbal equivelent of a sledgehammer and a whoopie cushion

05-22-2009, 11:17 AM	#155
daff0dil Profitable Prophet Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 30	oh man, this is all painful to read first off, this isn't about tiki and her "issues" whatever they may be, so maybe we can get off that? I thought it was about a broken engagement and finding clarity or closure? so in that vein: d: the longer you look for a person to blame or what you did wrong or what she did wrong the longer you will be mired in details that are not, actually, relevant any more. I understand, you are hurting and you love her and you want to be with her or atleast understand why you can't be. one day you will probably get all these things, in the meanwhile, I am going to suggest something else: here is what you know: -whether or not she wanted to marry you for an hour or a second or a year, at the moment she does not want to, and is so uncomfortable with the thought she doesn't even want to talk to you yet. I would assume she wanted to marry you at some point and that whatever happened had something to do with you and something to do with her. -she probably will one day want to resume contact, and when she does you can make that easier by briefly letter her know that you still love her, that you are sorry for the way things went down (not sorry you proposed, just sorry that it turned out how it did) and that you are here to listen, when that time comes. if you leave a message to that affect great. that seems perfect. if she picks up I'd tell her the same thing: you love her and are concerned about her and when she's ready to talk you are in need of clarity and closure. in person. remember: at this point, it's about you, not her. you don't know what's going on with her but you know what is going on with you. -she will never feel good about saying yes than saying no. that just isn't something anyone tends to feel good about unless they are uniquely cruel. so don't hold it against her or find ways as to how or why she did something wrong when she said yes or no. she probably gaved mixed signals. you probably followed them because you wanted to believe them. not because you are deceitful. but you inadvertently misled her in your need. anyway, that is my ten cents well, that and about half of you are immature prats far too uncomfortable with your own emotions to witness criticism and conflict with jumping in or exaperbating it with the verbal equivelent of a sledgehammer and a whoopie cushion