[Trilby]

I'm going to call him and tell him NO WAY am I taking this drug at the weight I am at currently. I took myself off prozac about 2 months ago and I'm going to put myself back on it (started today) as I have some refills of it.

I won't go into all the details, but it's very difficult for me to exercise (I walk that terrier everyday and it KILLS my legs and back, but I do it) but my eating habits suck huge big macs and taco bells. I eat like shit. I know this. I have to change it.

this is my second 'new' psych doc in four months. the first new one put me on abilify which costs 500.00/month (which my ins. co.won't cover) and when I called to tell them I needed something else they said, "It'll take six weeks for you to get an appointment" so WTF? I had just seen him, he just needed to write a new, cheaper script!

This new guy is nice and seems to care, but...ain't no way I"m taking depakote 1000mg and gain 40 more pounds. Frankly, I'd rather have a cross town bus hit me than gain one more ounce. I will tell them that. They can do whatever they want with that info.

I'm finding it hard to care about anything at all. I don't care if I do my paper, I don't care if I take a shower, I don't care if I die.

gee, maybe in six weeks, after the prozac starts to kick in, I'll give a shit. This feeling is like zombiefication. I cannot wait to see what my othello paper looks like. Hilarious, I'm sure.

oh, and someone I kinda depended on has just given me the bums rush. everything , EVERYTHING is over. so many undeserving, happy people die...and here I am. Life is a joke.