[Sundae]

Originally Posted by classicman

Weren't you in a very similar situation before you went to live with your guy friend. Perhaps all you need is a place of your own without roomies.

Yes and no. I reached the Holy Grail of living alone in Leicester. I've posted photos of how that ended up. And Dana could certainly testify, although she's too good to.

Perhaps your mum, has a real poor communication style, but the biggest heart in the world. If you stop here and take out the inferred part that you wrote after this, I agree with her. If your goal is to eventually get a job, a place of your own and to become self sufficient...I think she is spot on.
There is no doubt that your mom loves you! Look at all the pics and the video you've posted here. Remember the christmas carol or more recently the walk you all just took? The video of your parents home... there are many. She only wants the best for you and you know that.

My Mum does love me. I am fully aware of this on an intellectual level. I don't feel loved on an emotioanl level though. I'm not whining, that's how it is. She's not someone I can confide in, trust, or believe that she will ever take my side. That's the way it is, but I certainly love her back.

As far as the "situation" at home... Hell my parents have been married over 50 years and they "argue" all the time. Part of what you may be seeing while living there is reality, not the fantasy world we all hope exists.

I won't give you details of their relationship, it's not fair on either of them. Suffice to say, if either were simply my friend I would be advising them to leave. It's not normal couple bickering, it's nasty put-downs, suppressed anger and point scoring. It's NOT constant. But right now she is stressed about her Aunt's house-sale, and it is very evident. I genuinely believe this is why she brought up me moving out. Yes, it is her right and yes it has to happen at some point. But the coincidence is she brought it up for the first time on a day she'd had bad news re the house sale and had had to call all her Aunts and Uncles to say there was a problem with it.

you'll have to remind her repeatedly 5, 10, 15 times a day - till she gets it. Just go up to her and just give her a hug and tell her "I love you, thanks for everything you & dad are doing for me."

If I did that even once a week she'd keep me at arm's length. Her immediate response would be. "Well that's all very well, but words don't mean anything... I want you to think about that when you are drinking" Being too emotional, too effusive, too open = fale, showing off, showing yourself up according to Mum. Yup, that works about as well as you'd expect with a daughter who wears her heart on her sleeve and likes to express herself.

Please know that I am trying to help.

I know. Which is why I wanted to respond. When people take the time to address with with me I think it's polite to reply. Sorry if it means I come across really negative. I don't mean to. My Mum runs a really organised house. It's what I needed when I moved back. She cleans, irons, organises, looks after friends, remembers anniversaries and special days. She's honest, dependable and generally kind. And I do love her, and most of the time I really enjoy her company.

Originally Posted by Brianna

Moms do tend to have so much power over our feelings and I don't think they half realize it. I can recall things my mom or dad (or even sibs) said to me years ago that still sting. They said it most off-handedly and I'm sure they've no idea I still think about their words.

You get it 100% Thank you. I hope therapy can help me stop blaming other people for the way I let them affect me, and allow me to feel the good rather than the hurt.

Originally Posted by Aliantha

My uncle died the night before last.

Sorry darling. I lost my Great Aunt over a year ago now, but I still mourn the fact she is no longer part of my family landscape.

Clod, Dani, Sky & MoreThan, thanks for your kind words.
Dorothy had is wrong. There was no need to go to Oz, she should've just got her pretty feet down the Cellar. There's no place like it.