[Trilby]

Juni - My impression is simply that, my own impression, and of course not worth the paper it's written on (ha!) BUT, may I say - you take on too, too much. You are a perfectionist (takes one to know one!) and the world will NOT fall apart, not even your own corner of it, if you take some well-deserved time off. B/P issues are deadly serious. I don't think it's a matter of thirty pounds (wtf?) I think it's a matter of stress and the high cortisol levels that go along with it. High cortisol leads to depression...leads to...lots of nasty. You've been thru the wringer emotionally, you're an A student, you have two households to deal with - you are dealing with your own home troubles AND your mom's condo, you do scouts...I can't recall all the things you said you've been up to lately but I DO recall feeling wrung out after reading the list! Cancer Schmancer - I felt guilt for having it, felt I'd "given it" to myself. We can play all sorts of games with ourselves - not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not rich enough...not BUSY enough. Fuck all that.

come over to the Lazy Side of life, darling. Have some lemonade and a squishy (not hard!) bunch of strawberries. Relax.

Otherwise, sweetie, you're killing yourself softly.