Elspode's Baby Advice to Juju:
1) Rent, never own. As soon as you take them home from the hospital, their trade in value plummets.
2) Buy the extended warranty. It will save you hundreds of thousands of dollars in case something goes wrong.
3) Make sure your baby comes equipped with the optional Mute switch. Never be asked to leave a wedding or theater again!
4) It is an old wive's tale that cats steal babys' breath. They do not. They do, however, love to root through their diaper pails. This goes double for dogs.
5) It is never too early for your baby to start generating income for the family. If you aren't offered a commercial shoot or starring role in a sitcom for your baby right away, consider more mundane employment for him/her, such as being a doorstop or being an older child's plaything.
And finally...never undercook fresh or recently thawed baby. Always use a meat thermometer. Baby is done when it is tender and flakes easily with a fork, or reaches an internal temperature of at least 225 degrees.
